Hi,
dh's family has a habit of talking bad behind everyone's back, specially his mum feels she has being wronged by everyone at some point but she might be best friends with them in a matter of few days. I have minimal contact with her, even when she is visiting, I hardly talk to her (previous history of not getting along). I have heard that MIL's sister has apparently said that how worried she is that I don't know their customs and traditions and how will I ever pass it to my children. We have no children yet. MIL's brother said how I act as a guest when I visit MIL's home and not help with dinner etc. I have visit them for about about 4-5 days every 2 years. I feel so criticised and monitored that I don't even feel like attempting to do anything and go and sit in a room. The relationship is not harmonious to go and help them, its just a matter of visiting them with husband. They give so many errands to dh that he is hardly at their home with me. I have decided not to visit them again as I'm always going to be fault at something. My husband's uncle and aunty have not said these things about me to him directly, they all have been passed on by MIL. MIL can start a conversation with someone and use their response against you. So there is a doubt that MIL has said something about me to her sister and brother and telling just their response as if they are saying all these things themselves.
My husband listens to all such things and just says there is nothing like that, there is no need, people doing it aren't happy etc and tries to minimise the issue at hand. Since these things have been said in the past, my husband doesn't want to bring it up again and says whenever I want to discuss I only want to fight. He has told MIL that her own behaviour has made me distance from herself and had the talks. I moved past MIL's sister and brothers' comments but this time when she was visiting, MIL said to my husband that he has married the wrong women and how I have kicked her out of our lives. To what husband says he replied that he married who he wanted to marry.
I don't think that's the right response. He came to me telling me, this is what mum said and really this is what happened to her, isn't it. I'm so mad at him that rather than addressing what she said about being marrying the wrong women, he is more focused to the point that I have kicked her out of our lives and wanted an answer from me on that. I have asked my husband not to tell me whatever they have to say about me. It is all very upsetting, specially I don't talk to her and can't address the issue and it was said behind my back. Now its been one month since I am not intimate with him - may be I'm being unreasonable but his lack of strong response to her mum and instead asking me about it has been a sticking point. Now he says this is old stuff and if I'll hold onto things said in the past like I always have, I'm causing unnecessary conflict. But obviously everything said becomes things said in the past, am not sure how to deal with this. Do I just keep dropping such stuff, it doesn't matter what they say etc. I know my every day life is not affected but it does piss me off big time. wwyd?