Am I over thinking this?

[W0408638]

Hi all,

I'm not one to talk much about my relationship but I've been a very long time and I'm starting to question everything :-(

We've been together for over a decade and have kids.

We broke up briefly after our first son as he cheated on me, but then he did come to his senses. I guess i put this down to being with each other since I was 17 and not really having a chance to explore.

We barely spend any quality time together because of the kids and dogs (3 huskies) and I'm running around sorting all the house and working full time and he works away 13 days in 15.

I have no desires for him at the moment but just put this down to him being gone so much and when's he's home he doesn't really help which angers me.

I found sexting texts on his phone recently. I'm always upset with his lack of help and not putting me first.

But am I expecting too much? Be honest I just wondered what other people relationships are like after 10 years and 3 young kids

X

What could you possibly be 'overthinking'? He is cheating, or trying to cheat.

What are your bounderies?

I doubt he'd be stupid enough to cheat (as he knows I will leave and go to London) probably does it as I'm not give him what he wants when he's home as when I'm angry at him I withhold or not in the mood at all. I'm told him I found these and was so upset.
After so long together I dunno if we've grown apart or I'm not sure if relationship kinda dry up a bit after so long as your so used to each other.
I see these movies and see pics of my friends in newish relationships where their partner seems so much more caring and wants to make them happy.
I think I want him to be something he never has been or was in the first year we dated. And getting hung up on that.
Is that unfair of me?
X

He already has cheated on you. The question is what are you prepared to do about it?

I'd see sexting as cheating.

You're not being unfair to expect him to be decent and loving.

so he is cheating on you now and he's got history of doing it before

he's never going to be the man you thought he could be

I would "go to London" now and end this farce of a marriage

I see these movies and see pics of my friends in newish relationships where their partner seems so much more caring and wants to make them happy

My relationship used to look just like this at the beginning too, its not now. Far from it!

It's not unfair or unreasonable to want a relationship with someone who is faithful, engaged with the family and wants to spend time with you. I've known people married 50+ years who still genuinely love each other's company so time has nothing to do with it and it's not something that only happens in movies either.

'Stupid enough to cheat' is an interesting phrase given that he's already done it and got away with it once. Now you find he's sexting... and how do you know the person he's sexting isn't someone he spends time with when he's away?.... and you're still making excuses for him. Blaming yourself for not having sex with him enough.

Sadly, you probably do want him to be something he has never been and never will be. Suggest you don't waste too much more of your time