Advice please, this has been on my mind for a while. I'm kind of friends with a male colleague at work. Some months ago I asked him if he wanted to go to an exhibition I was going to. It was near work, I planned to go anyway and it was about something we'd talked about so thought he might be interested. Was just a friendly invitation, that's all. But I was also going through a lot of shit at work and with DH, and not great at choosing who to tell about all that so maybe unintentionally sending some funny signals too. Anyway, after evening at the pub colleague finds a quiet spot and says he wants to check if I am trying to start something. I was absolutely mortified, babbled a bit, all apparently clarified and resolved.
Now although we get on at work I find any occasion outside work quite excruciating. I don't ask him to do things any more because he would cancel last minute or just not respond to an invitation (I only asked him to a few more things anyway). But he does sometimes suggest things, which I avoid.
But we do go to pub with others, or to get a sandwich and I feel like I have to be in lock down because my actions are being read into. He's not massively reassuring about that, tends to shut conversations down, won't engage with some things etc. so I often feel like maybe I've said something odd.
Anyway, basically this guy is kind of bad news as a friend, isn't he? How would you manage this situation, and why does it bother me so much? I feel like I've failed at being able to make a friend who's not female, and maybe I've behaved badly or something. God knows. Any advice?