Relationships

[springskye]

Hello.

I've name changed. If anybody isn't sure about the authenticity of my post PM me and I will give my 'normal' username.

I am having a hard time. I'm really not sure how to begin but Frankly I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm 32 and have never been in a relationship. I've never even been close.

Do I want to be? That's a really hard question. What I do know is this - I am desperate for children and a family. Sitting at home on a Sunday and my heart hurts for Sunday roasts, walks, hugs and kisses from children. But I don't know about a partner. I struggle with letting people close and although I have really good friends there is always something I hold back.

Has anyone ever got past this? Please don't suggest counselling as I'm having it now. And have done since August but it hasn't made a blind bit of difference to this aspect of my life.

Part of me doesn't feel good enough for a relationship and another part isn't interested and another part fears for my future.

I'm not too sure what support you want from people, but a thought that struck me is, would you consider a future and children without a partner?

You're not going to know how warm the water is until you get in..... :) And you're not going to get into a relationship if you don't put yourself in a position to meet people. The more people you meet, the better your chances not simply of finding a potential partner but of making friends with whom you can also enjoy a few of the things on your wish list.

Viv, no - that definitely wouldn't be for me although of course I recognise some do it.

Cognito I'm not sure I've explained very well what the issue is but it isn't about "meeting people"

So, you would like to be in a relationship?

Viv in the abstract yes.

In the "real world" not at all :)

So, I guess that means "no"? You wouldn't like to be in a relationship, not at all?

It's awful to want something so bad and not be able to get it.

Counselling may not uncover the unconscious reasons you're holding back.

A more interventionist approach - such hypnotherapy, CBT or neuro-linguistic programming - might be effective in resolving the issue in just a couple of sessions.

"I struggle with letting people close and although I have really good friends there is always something I hold back."

Is this a trust thing and not wanting to get hurt by people? Keeping people at arms length and holding back is a good way to protect yourself, but it's not too good for intimacy and closeness.

Viv I don't know. I'm sorry - a yes/no answer just doesn't apply here at all, and I can't give you one.

MadeMan I wouldn't have thought so. It's not about trust. I think it's more that I think if someone knew the real me - and theyd have to in a relationship - they wouldn't want to still be with me.

The real you? Is this about self esteem or regret?
Every human has feelings and emotional intimacy is a powerful need. It is OK to trust someone with who "you" are.

Logically i know this but struggle to apply it intimately

I can identify with the relationship thing. I was 26 before I had my first serious relationship. I really struggled with letting people close to me. I'd recommend hypnotherapy, it's made a world of difference in my life after counselling achieved very little.