If you suspect your dp has madonna/whore complex

[Squidstirfry]

Hi.
We have a 3month old beautiful boy. Not bragging but I got my shape back quickly, I'm 1-2lb less than pre-pregnancy.
I've dropped heavy hints that I would like to make love, I need to feel like myself again, desired and womanly.
Logistically it's rather difficult because the bedroom is no sex zone with baby sleeping in there, so we only have the sofa or floor in the living room while baby is sleeping, whilst listening out for baby noises so altogether not very sexy, but not impossible!

Anyway. He does not seem interested in even trying. It's like now i had a baby he does not find me attractive.

Do I need to be more explicit? I have said "Can we have sex again" but it wasn't an opportune moment at the time. I am not used to initiating. He used to initiate and find all opportunties to make love, but I can't believe he is turning me down now.

I could see why you might be feeling hurt by this, but it might be a bit of a leap to thinking he has a madonna/whore complex. Perhaps he is out of the habit? Maybe it would help to be more explicit, I don't know, but perhaps keep the pressure off by just being a bit more affectionate and intimate without necessarily expecting full sex. I'm sure it will happen.

Not sure if of any help, but I recall watching a documentary a few years back where they tested the testosterone levels of new fathers - and from what I remember they tended to drop significantly. Natural selection and all that - the less testosterone filled (Neanderthal age) fathers during the newborn stage were less likely to throw the baby out of the cave (or they thought probably something like that).

So it may mean he is not as up for as it as he used to be - not because of you/how attractive he finds you - but just his testosterone is not as high as normal. It does return back to pre-baby levels though.

He may also be being considerate - if he has heard from female relatives/sisters that it takes a while for a woman to be interested again he may, yes, be waiting for you to be more explicit rather than risking seeming pushy.

It's not very seductive is it? 'Can we have sex?' and the offer of a floor... Good sex is all about relaxation, intimacy, togetherness.... all things that can be difficult to achieve when there's a new baby. So maybe take a few steps back & make some space in the day to be a couple, share a meal, chat, relax, get closer, pay each other attention .... rather than thinking in terms of 'initiating'.

BTW.... your baby is not bothered if you have sex when they are in the same room.