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Original poster

Talking about ex's.. What's the norm?

17 replies

Lookin4the1 · 28/02/2015 10:02

Ive been seeing my boyfriend for a about 5 month now, the first few month all he could talk about was his ex. He told me he had dreamt about getting back with her, if he listened to a song he'd be like oh it reminds me of been on holiday, he'll bring her up in conversation if it's something related, for example I went to * university, oh my ex went there. My mum was talking about flowers n cost of them, he's like oh the most ive spent on flowers is 35 quid but those were sorry flowers I messed up etc. ive told him about this and he said its normal, ive asked him if he regrets breaking up with her and he said no it was amicable. I try to say to myself if They were together for 5 years in which he took on her child so I guess after that amount of time with a child involved coming to an agreement to split it must have been over for the both of them. Am I being too jealous and over thinking?

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 28/02/2015 10:05

Um no, that's not normal at all. Why did you put up with it?

FeelTheNoise · 28/02/2015 10:09

Not normal, not respectful, not acceptable.
He thinks about her a hell of a lot doesn't he?
Just no

Original poster
Lookin4the1 · 28/02/2015 10:10

Because I did talk about my ex too, as you do when you get into a relationship. He has stopped it now to be fair, he'll only bring her up if he's asked directly. Like someone asked oh who did u go there with? He has stopped it but I'm wondering if he's still got feelings for her.

OP posts:
NaiceNickname · 28/02/2015 10:10

How long had they been separated before you got together?

To be honest I couldn't be arsed listening to him drivel on about his ex so much. Fair enough they were together for a while, but he should be concentrating on making new memories with you and not dwelling on old ones like how much a bunch of I'm sorry flowers set him back Hmm I often thought about my ex when I first got with DH, but I didn't rub every detail of our time together in his face because it's just unnecessary and can at times be pretty insensitive.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 10:14

You're not being jealous or over thinking . He's being crass and insensitive!!!! It's bad enough that he mentions her so often. To have spent so long telling you he wanted to get back together with her...... why would you even stick around to be insulted like that?

Raise the bar a LOT higher or you are going to be really hurt when she smiles at him and he rushes off to get back with her

Original poster
Lookin4the1 · 28/02/2015 10:20

No he's never said he wanted to get back with her, he says he hates her cos he brought her kid up as his own then when they split she never let him see the child, she also seemed jealous and controlling. But I don't think he wants to get back with her no way

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 11:03

The only good way to refer to an ex is not at all. Whether he's dreaming about her, saying he hates her or dropping her into the conversation too often, it's inappropriate and thoughtless.

I am personally suspicious of people who spend a lot of time badmouthing their ex. Life is rarely that one-sided and 'blamers' are unpleasant to be around.

BonfireofTheVanitiesss · 28/02/2015 11:09

but I'm wondering if he's still got feelings for her.

Er... hell yeah!

That level of reference is abnormal and a sign he is thinking about her a lot. It's also pretty rude to you.

I'd dump him if I were you. There's a high chance you are a rebound relationship to help him get over her. He'll leave you once he feels better.

It's an old story and one played out many many times.

SlaggyIsland · 28/02/2015 11:22

Oh god no not right at all.

Original poster
Lookin4the1 · 28/02/2015 11:54

He's been out with people before me since being with her. I know he definitely wouldn't get back with her even if she asked him. I'm a 100% sure of that

OP posts:
BonfireofTheVanitiesss · 28/02/2015 12:04

Yeah but she's not asking is she. Which is rather the point.

Original poster
Lookin4the1 · 28/02/2015 12:48

If she did, I know he wouldn't. There's no way not after what she's done with her kid, let him bring up her kid for five year then fuck him off, there's definitely no danger of that happening if she ever did

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 12:57

Are you in contact with his ex that you know all this?

BonfireofTheVanitiesss · 28/02/2015 13:17

How is this:

he says he hates her cos he brought her kid up as his own then when they split she never let him see the child

compatible with this in your opening post:

ive asked him if he regrets breaking up with her and he said no it was amicable.

Amicable or he hates her? Which one?

BonfireofTheVanitiesss · 28/02/2015 13:19

And let's be real. If this were honestly true, I some how doubt you would have even started this thread. You'd have no reason to be jealous at all: -

I know he definitely wouldn't get back with her even if she asked him. I'm a 100% sure of that

Ouchbloodyouch · 28/02/2015 13:47

The level of 'ex' talk in my book is we were together for x amount of years and we split up x amount of time ago. Any other level of discussion is too much.
Ive been guilty of oversharing in the past and its been used against me in arguments. I also went out with someone who constantly talked about his ex. They were still shagging. In the future if someone starts banging on about their ex I will see it as the red flag it is and bin them.

YNK · 28/02/2015 13:54

Mentionitis is a good reason to be twitchy imo

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