So clearly my friend would make time to see me if she wanted to, but...

[Nothavingfunrightnow]

I have a friend whom I am extremely fond of. We do not get to see each other much, but when we do make plans, she cancels. Often. In fact, I have accepted the fact that chances are far greater that she will cancel rather than keep to the arrangement.

Recent excuses have been she forgot she had made other arrangements with another group of friends, that her family was suddenly invited to her sister's for the weekend, that she has work to do at home that cannot wait, that her daughter is ill.. etc.

I do understand that things crop up, but I reckon that the friendship is not all that important to her. We are NOT teenagers involved in spat or anything.

Seems our friendship is not that important to her after all, is it?

Has this type of situation arisen with others? How did you deal with it? Did you say anything? Did you just let it slide?

Apologies for typos!

I gave up on a friend like this. I question myself sometimes whether it was the right decision. I didn't have a conversation with her about it, I just chose to not make the first move to get in touch (as that would always be the case) and I began to feel the friendship was very one sided. It was a test I suppose. She has not contacted me at all since we last met. That was in June 2013. I think my little experiment brought up a very interesting but sad result.

I think the same rules apply as they do to men, they keep canceling? They're just not that into you. I don't keep friends that cancel and I tell them why,I think it's rude and arrogant and I have better things to do than prioritize someone who doesn't prioritize me. Said cancelers have always been shocked at my response, I'm amazed anyone puts up with it. The odd cancellation is normal but repeated? No chance.

Saltnpepa, you make a really good point. I would not tolerate that from a man in a dating scenario so why should I accept that from anyone else?

Many years ago, a strongly feminist lesbian friend kept on making unwelcome passes at me. It reached the point where I said to her that if that had been a man hassling me in that way, she'd have had all sorts to say about him, but because she was female, she assumed her unwanted advances would be treated differently.

I am not sure, though, what I'd say if this friend suggested meeting up another time. Chances are I will not land up in that situation anyway!

I had this with a few people over the years. Eventually I learnt the pattern and told them I wouldn't be making any more arrangements because it wasn't fair andI don't have time to be messed about. I concentrate on my reliable friends. I don't mind if something crops up or they're ill, that happens to all of us but this was every time. I don't have time for this anymore. They do the same to other people and have no friends.