My dp

[tammybear]

I love my dp, I love him to pieces. But he pisses me off so much, I could kill him. Does anyone else feel like this?

hi tammybear
what's happened?

tammybear more info would help but yes i can see where your coming from i feel that way atleast once a day

Just my dp and I seem to argue over stupid little things, but I know Im partly at fault cos Ive just gotten over depression, and doctor said Id get upset over stupid little things. I asked him for help to help me get over my anxiety and stuff, but when he rang me up, he started talking, then when he finished, I asked if there was anything else he wanted to talk about and he said no and hung up!! He didnt even let me talk!

don't worry tammybear men sometimes avoid the issue in the hope that it will go away,dh was a bit like that when i had pnd,he just didn't understand,is he usually nice and thoughtful?

tammybear i think you and you dp need to sit down and talk face to face no phones or anything and if he gets up to walk out just say calmly i havethings i would like to say as well i do it with my dp i useualy get the oh shes off again and i reply yep and your going to listen

whymummy, he usually is but the problem is he always tries to joke his way out of things, and make everything a joke, so he doesnt always take things seriously

mummytojames, i usually dont know what to say when i tell him iv got things to say, but when i sit down with him, i dont know where to start, plus i dont see him that often, we dont live around the corner from each other u see

why don't you give him a ring now and get him to listen,his joking is probably his way to cope i'm sure he cares a lot

tammy the best thing to do if you want to get it off your cest is to write him a letter if you live a distance away and tell him everything you want to say in the letter and give it to him just as he's leaving to give him time to digest it

Well I txt him, and said that I just wanted his help, as Im trying to be more positive and change for the better, but its hard. And he hasnt txt me back since. So I might leave it til tomorrow and see if he has anything to say then. Do you think thats a good idea?

yes,it might be better to talk in the morning as is getting late now,try and stay positive and see if you can get him to listen to you i think mtj suggestion is good too

yes because as whymummy said men find it harder to deal with problems and just end up running away from them you just have to remind him in your own way that there is a problem and its not just going to go away plus remember we on mumsnet is always here for you and if you ever want a chat email me and i will email you with my hotmail addy and just give me a time pref night and we can sit down and have a good long chat about anything you want ok
HUGS

Thanks a lot whymummy and mummytojames. Ill let you know if anything happens tomorrow XX

yes do,hope everything goes well
night,night

hugs tammy just remember there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

Havent spoken to dp today. Well hes working, and hes been txting me saying that he doesnt understand, and is annoyed. Not quite sure why. So Iv got to wait til tonight when he finishes work.

sorry tammy i've not been on here all day,hope it goes well,let us know
xx

Tammybear its very difficult for our Dp's and DH's to understand what depression is all about. My DH was exactly the same. His joking could be his way of trying to lighten the atmosphere, lets face it when you have depression your mood isnt the best a lot of the time. It doesnt sound like you have "got over" depression..sorry but having had it myself it doesnt work like that and if you are still niggly its still there but not as bad.

Once you have had depression its always bubbling under the surface, just the way you deal with things determines whether or not it comes back and by how much.

If you really want your DP to understand your depression then he needs to come to the doctors with you, or if you have counselling then it would be useful for him to go along see your counsellor. If neither of those is an option then print something off from the net, a site that deals with depression is bound to have good info for partners.

Its not just out DPs and DH's that have problems dealing with depression though, an awful lot of people do. Unless you have been through it yourself its very difficult to understand what is going on in someones head and why they behave the way they do.

Hope you get this sorted.

havent heard much from dp. said he loves me and wants to take me out for a day to london. but since then nothing. iv been txting him, but he hasnt txt back.

Oh and he told me he's going to see elton john in concert with his mate. I felt a bit put out that he didnt ask me if I wanted to go, but I think Im just being petty, arent i? Or arent i? I dont wanna be one of those people who thinks that he has to do everything with me, but maybe I am. Plus I found out my ex is in a new relationship, and Im kinda jealous. Not because he has someone else, but because hes so happy. God now I just sound sad dont i?

Tammy you arent sad but I do think you are still depressed. I was exactly the same when I had it. At the end of the day we all have our own lives yet I didnt want my DH doing anything without me. Its only now that I realise how selfish I was. Its healthy for couples to do things separately on occasions.

Just out of interest how often do you text him? Sounds like quite a bit to me. I know full well if I did that to my DH and he was working he wouldnt be too impressed. Its all to easy to lean on our other halfs when we have depression and we tend to overlook how difficult we can make it for them at times.

Have you been on anti-d's at all and if so are you still on them or has the doctor stopped them?

I was on anti depressants, but doctor stopped them. They were only very mild though anyway. My dp lives 1hr 1/2 train journey away so were usually talking over the phone or txtin you see. Not exactly the idealist situation

No I can understand that. I really do think though that you are suffering a little from your depression. If you dont want anti-d's or dont feel that they are really helping then how about seeing if you could be referred to a counsellor?

My friend recommended me going to counsellors, I guess I could give that a try

But when I was on anti-depressants, i suggested going to see a counsellor to dp and he was so against it cos he thinks that itll change me. Plus he feels helpless that he cant help me, and that its his fault for me being like this. I try to explain to him its not to do with him. But he doesnt listen. I dont know what I can do to make him see

But sayin all that, my mum thinks Im just suffering from anxiety that is caused by ex - like when I hear from him or when he comes to see dd (he was the reason I had to go to doctors bout depression in first place) so I dont know whether its just anxiety or depression. And I dont know whether if I went to doctors they can be useful in helping me decide. I dont want to go on anti depressants thats for sure.