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Original poster

Am I mean?

17 replies

ChablisLover · 28/02/2015 02:14

I asked hubby when can we sort out the mould in the corner off our bedroom. He said Sunday. Now apparently I am mean for asking what time?

I am also mean for tidying his clothes that were lying on the floor away into the wardrobe or washing?

I am at a loss as to how this is mean?

He just says you know it's mean.

Seriously I don't know

Apparently by asking what time I am making him lose his Sunday lie in and again I am mean for tidying up around him.

I am living with a giant man child aren't i?

How can I make him see sense and wise and grow up?

OP posts:

NaughtyRed82 · 28/02/2015 03:33

I'm not being funny but if he's told you a day he's going to tackle the problem for you, why do you need to know what time of day he's going to do it? Surely it don't matter what time as long as it's done.
Would be like him asking you what time your going to wash the dog/clean the car/go food shopping/Hoover the house etc
Wouldn't say it's mean as such, but not needed.......

Chottie · 28/02/2015 03:44

I'd just be glad he had agreed to tackle the mould, it doesn't a very healthy thing to be sharing a bedroom with?!? I wouldn't hold him to a time either, it sounds a bit micro managing. If he is talking about losing his lie-in, it sounds like he is going to be working in the morning.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 06:18

He's not a 'man child'. What he's doing is trying to make out that everything you do or say is unreasonable and offensive so that you lose confidence in yourself. Of course you're not 'mean' for clearing up bis mess but here you are doubting your judgement.

Is this the normal way he behaves?

petalsandstars · 28/02/2015 06:26

Why is him tackling a problem in their joint bedroom doing it for her?

He sounds like he wants an argument to give him an excuse to run away.

theblankslate · 28/02/2015 06:48

Sounds to me like the 'meanness' is coming from what he's reading into it all. From you asking the time he assumed you meant early and that you were trying to take away his lie in. Perhaps with the tidying he 'hears' you making a dig about him not having done it himself (I'd say this probably comes from him feeling guilty as he knows he should have done it himself.)

Rightly or wrongly perhaps he just feels criticised by you and is beginning to see it everywhere?

Peony58890 · 28/02/2015 06:57

Obviously putting his floor clothes away isn't mean. However if you were huffy and banging about while doing it, it might mean you are trying to make a point in the wrong way?

We often discus plans for the day but it tends to be vague and very flexible. I'm on the fence though. If you discussed timings in an equal adult fashion, then that's fine. If you were talking to him like a school marm, then that's inappropriate.

Cabrinha · 28/02/2015 07:06

This is one of those OPs where you think a reply based on it could easily be wrong, because the there's probably a whole lot more to it.

Original poster

ChablisLover · 28/02/2015 07:22

Thanks - maybe I am micro managing but last night I just looked at the mould and got fed up with it all and wanted to get him to agree to sort it. He's always going on about how we need to start doing up house again and this would be the first thing I would do. He won't even agree that once rid he needs to open windows to prevent it returning as I had previously removed it and it's come back as he refuses to open a window to let some air in as its too cold/ will let burglars in/ will let mice etc in

Now he said he would sort it on Sunday but he's a huge rugby fan and there's a big 6 nations match on Sunday afternoon that is nonnegotiable and I can't see how he's going to sort the mould in time to watch the rugby without getting up early to do it.

And he's says the room needs cleared to do so and by tidying up his floor clothes I was starting that process as today is our ds birthday party and I won't get a chance to tidy today.

But it's ok - he's now in a massive sulk, I've had little sleep and the vicious circle starts again

OP posts:

JellyMould · 28/02/2015 07:48

At the risk of getting drawn into this...
Is it possible you're getting stressed about the party and this is displacement stress?
The rugby isn't on till 3pm, how long is his lie in? And what are planning to do about the mould? Sounds to me like it would be worth finding the source of the damp.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 28/02/2015 07:50

Why did you need to know what time? I'd get really annoyed if someone was asking for specifics like that.

Original poster

ChablisLover · 28/02/2015 07:56

The lie in is to 11am and we need to visit his mum as well before the rugby.

The source of the mould is him not having the heating on for long enough and not opening windows to let air in - we have an ensuite and he refuses to open window when he has shower as extractor fan is crap.

I am not stressed about the party

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/02/2015 09:01

I know why you need to know what time he's going to deal with the mould OP. It's because you don't believe he's going to do it if you don't pin him down to something specific :) (In this house we have similar conversations about homework) Rugby will mean beer & beer will mean the whole day slips away and nothing gets done. Wouldn't be surprised if other promises have gone the same way in the past.

sooperdooper · 28/02/2015 09:10

Why is it his responsibility to open the window and have the heating on? Just do it, it doesn't need discussion

Tbh I'd just deal with the mould myself too, I'd just get on with it today

GoatsDoRoam · 28/02/2015 09:18

Yes, I'm not surprised you asked him the time, because you are basically calling him out on his bullshit.

If the non-negotiable aspects of his schedule on Sunday are:

lie-in till 11
visit mum
rugby from 3

Then there is indeed NO time in there for tackling mould. So yeah, I too would want to know when, exactly, he plans to fit in the mould-sorting in that already full day.

Obviously he has no intention of doing it, or certainly has no time left in his day in which to do it, and you're just putting him in front of that fact.

Cabrinha · 28/02/2015 10:01

As I said, there's a lot more behind it

I am 10% "FFS woman, how is it a man's job to bleach some mould? Just do it"

The other 90% of me can see quite clearly that you're unhappy about a lot of things, and he just might be an arse.

Original poster

ChablisLover · 28/02/2015 12:22

Cabrinha - hope I've spelt it right

Yes I'm unhappy about a lot of things but when I try to discuss them they are swept away so I soldier on.

I've tackled it myself but it's behind the bed and I can't move it. I tried But I broke the bedside cabinet that's attached to it.

I need to move ds wardrobe too as its behind there but I can't do it alone

I then started to clear out my clothes and tidy up but then apparently I'll have thrown out all my nice clothes out of spite I can't win!

Yes to whoever said His schedule won't fit this in. You're right it won't but he doesn't see that. He would think it's perfectly reasonable to start after 6pm.

It's his responsibility to open a window as he works from home and I leave the house at 7am to got to work.

OP posts:

Ratarse · 28/02/2015 14:58

The lazy little shitbag. Take the fuse out of the TV plug, he can do it when the rugby is on then.

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