Am I putting too much emphasis on this?

[BettyTheHippo]

Been together 2 years, ups and downs due to his MH issues, which I have tried to work with so much. Just past the worst of the most recent episode and he's coming round, no physical affection, which often goes after he's had a bit of a breakdown and I've come to terms with, because it does come back.
My expectations have been lowered considerably, which I'm okay with because I do love him and want to support him
I've asked that he text me a goodnight message each evening. Just one word will do, so I know he's okay and I can relax
But he rarely does this, maybe once or twice a week, and this makes me sad.
I think I cope with a lot and surely he could manage a quick text? But he says it's only a text, why does it matter so much
It feels as though this is the final straw for me, but then I think why am I getting so stressed over a stupid text when I put up with so much more willingly
Am I over reacting? I could do with some perspective please x x

I don't know - why do you put up wth all that so willingly? And why is a text the thing that draws a line? I mean, by the sounds of it you do need a final straw but why the missing text?

Are you waiting for text to make sure he's not suicidal?

I think youre wasting your life and deserve better.

His mental health issues don't prevent him
sending texts or putting some of your wants first.

And if they do prevent it then it might not be for you. I don't think you're asking too much and supporting someone you're not married to, who you don't live with - may not be what you want.
What are you getting out of this? Cos it sounds crap.

By the way, you dont need a range of excuses if you want to end a relationship. You dont need to pick each action or inaction apart to decide on why he is doing what he is doing.

If you dont want to be in a relationship then you have every right to end it. So end it.

I also think you're wasting your time on what sounds like a very one sided arrangement. Supporting someone is fair enough but it has to be in the understanding that a) you are not taken for granted & b) there is some kind of reciprocation and appreciation. Not seeing that here and don't think you are overreacting

It sounds like your DP lacks empathy if he can't connect with the fact you are concerned, and a text would be reassuring to you.

I probably can't add any advice having never been involved with someone with MH but you can't reproach yourself for not supporting him during his bad episodes.

delicious I think it's because it's such a simple request compared to all I do for him, it bothers me that he won't do this one thing for me
Laurie Yes, that was my original reason for asking, but now we're out of that place for now I just want to know he's thinking of me.
Thank you both.

Cogito it is one sided. He says he loves me and recognises he puts me through a lot but won't do anything about it
Daisy there is no empathy, yet he can be really caring and loving when he's not in a bad place.

It matters so much because it is one small thing that you ask of him that would be easy for him to do. He asks lots of big things from you that are hard for you and you do them because you care about him and want to support him. If he cannot even do this one tiny thing to make a tiny attempt to redress the huge imbalance then he is telling you that he doesn't care enough about you.

Is he getting professional treatment for his illness? Has he had a diagnosis?

You know, I would suggest counselling for you both, but then I'm concerned that it may become just another one-sided thing that is something you are doing and maybe not embraced by your DP.

I am sad for you both, for him because he clearly has a MH challenge that means chunks of his life are being consumed by the times he going through a bad episode, but also sad for you because you are "on hold" waiting for the times he isn't in the bad place. So difficult.

It seems to have reached a point where it is sadly the end of the road for you. I am hesitant to say leave him, but my perspective is that you could end up looking back on years and years of time spent not being happy.

What do you feel is right for you at this stage? Could he try different medication, to see if it improves things and meanwhile you try living separately to see if the change is a better option?