Does anyone have a mother like this? How do you deal with the situation?

[Mrsteddyruxpin]

Mine is critical. I put the wrong socks on the baby, I have cobwebs. My hair isn't brushed. Yet she is several stones overweight, doesn't work and lies in pjs in the day. Asks me what I am having for dinner and then says 'I couldn't eat that shit'

I have two young babies.house is generally immaculate but always something to be done.

Also If I don't ring for a couple of days, she has had the 'flu' and bedridden. Flu doesn't come and go in two days!

I also get 'x rings me every night because she knows how lonely I am.. Only for her....'

If toddler doesn't cuddler Her she will keep mentioning it to him He is non verbal.

If I say anything she flares up, tells my father type of thing.

I lost a friendship over also being critical and negative and who started to phone my mother bitching snout me (lucky me!!!)

You mean a lazy, self-absorbed person who is so bored with their pathetic life that they have to create antagonism by way of entertainment.....? Luckily not my mother but I know plenty of others that fit the bill.

You can't change people like this but you can try to contain them and reduce the chances they have to poke their nose in. Best enjoyed, as my gran used to say 'in very small doses'.

Do you all live very close together? You see I would start by putting some miles between you - never helps to be with in sock-checking, cobweb-inspecting distance of a miserable pain in the arse that has nothing good to say. I would suggest you stretch out the couple of days you don't call to a couple of weeks... and cut the conversation short if she starts complaining. Never share personal information with someone like this.

BTW... people who flare up and go telling tales to Dad should always be left to stew in their own juices. You're an adult answerable to no-one, not some kid that has to be put in her place by parents.

'I would suggest you stretch out the couple of days you don't call to a couple of weeks... and cut the conversation short if she starts complaining'

Spot on. People like your mum need very careful managing OP, and in my experience, they are best managed through distance, both emotional and physical. She's not going to change, she's not going to become a lovely supportive thoughtful mum. That's really tough and very painful. You need to protect yourself.

See less of her. If you don't want to phone her more often, then don't. You're not a child, you don't have to do what is expected of you. It sounds like she makes your life harder, not easier - you don't have to spend time with people like this, even if they are your mother. You deserve better. Stand firm.

It is NOT your fault your mother is like this and the roots of all this with her likely go back many years and before you were born.

Putting more emotional and physical distance between you and your mother now is key. It will also do your children no favours at all for them to see their nan so disrespect their mother all the time; that just sends them mixed messages. Protect yourself and your children from such malign influences. Some grandparents really should not be allowed any access to their grandchildren.

I would not let your father off the hook here; he has acted as her enabler and bystander in all this overall familial dysfunction as well. He would much rather you as his daughter take her flak than himself.

Agree with PP, you need to put physical and emotional distance between yourself and your mother.

See her less often, speak to her less often, and for shorter periods of time. Also, and this is critical, do not tell her anything about your life. Stick to "the weather" "Corrie" etc. A person like this will use information as a stick to beat you with.

Do you live close to her? Can you move?

Yes, I am serious!

I know it is a horrible thing to have to accept but she is toxic and not doing you any good. You have to disengage. Don't answer her calls, speak to her and see her as much as you can tolerate I don't see or speak to mine at all and let the resulting whining slide off you.