Stay together/ Divorce/ Separation - What do I do?

[scuba40]

About 3 years ago myself and my husband realised our marriage wasn't great - I was getting increasingly angry with him for not doing things with the kids or organising anything and I was also getting less and less interested in the physical and romantic side of the relationship. We have two children under 10. We are fine with each other for day to day stuff at the moment since we have agreed the 'separation', and want to stay together because of the children, but I can't give him what he wants as a 'proper wife' should, therefore should we divorce?

We have been in separate beds for over a year now and at that point we agreed to 'separate' but stay in the same house so everything was ok for the children until we decided what to do with the marriage.

He started having a relationship with a girl at work (he told me about this) and I ended up having an affair with a married man who is the father of one of my sons friends (he found this out through some emails he found - I should have confessed). My husband's relationship is still going. Mine has stopped. He gets very cross when my son attends events/ sports with his friend and he cannot be in the same place as this man, which makes it very difficult at school/ sport events. He has told me that it's not his issue to sort out but mine.

Any advice on what to do?

Split up! Your living situation sounds unreal and untenable. What are you teaching the DC about happy relationships?

What possible point is there in staying together?

Would you want this relationship for your kids?

What do you think you are teaching them in terms of relationships?

I had a friend who married a guy who had parents like you and your DH. I found him v v odd and v v insecure. He said he knew his parents only stayed together because of him and wished that they hadn't.

what a ridiculous situation

split up and be grown ups about it

and your behaviour is appalling

Financially can you afford to split up? There seems very little point house sharing, it must be awful both both of you.

Yes, financially it is going to be very difficult to move out but it looks like we have no option

I think, if you really want to put your children first, you should make a clean break. The atmosphere in your house must be terrible and, if it's spilling over into anger about sports days etc., your children will be suffering.

Divorce, do you really think a nine year old doesn't know exactly what is going on? My three year old knows when we are having a passive aggressive argument and tells us to stop bickering, pretty sure your nine year old will be hating every minute of this.