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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

husband cheats and is really horrible

21 replies

degonzales · 25/02/2015 13:31

im so sad, i just wish that i could get a divorce. we have one 2 year old together, but i cant leave him because ive no where else to go, as i have no family, and even know im in a bedsit as we have no where else to go. my husband cheats on me at least every week since we been together for over 3 years (and yes i have the proof) i know as i have checked his phone, seen pictures and videos, and even his friends have told me, hes never even around, only comes home, watches porn, goes to sleep and then leaves 9am comes home 1am in the morning. he treats me like crap, laughs at how big i got from pregnancy, and other stuff that i dont want to say on the internet. i just wish that i could leave him. i feel so upset. also im 20 years old.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 13:34

I'm sorry you're in an abusive & unhappy relationship. There are people who can help you if you want to get away. It doesn't matter than you have nowhere to go and no family.

Please call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 (you may have to keep trying so don't give up if you don't get through) and tell them everything you've written above. Ask for refuge.

Quitelikely · 25/02/2015 13:38

How comes you are in a bedsit? Are you awaiting to be rehoused?

If so, do not take this lowlife with you.

Have you got any family who could help you?

MatildaTheCat · 25/02/2015 13:38

Oh dear, that is a very sad situation to be in. You can leave with some support. Please confide in someone in RL. Your health visitor would be a start if you don't have friends or family.

Contact woman's aid, too. This awful situation needs to stop.

Please refuse to have sex with him and get an sti check.

MatildaTheCat · 25/02/2015 13:39

And if the other things you mention are illegal please,lease inform the Police. Women's Aid. Please.xx

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 25/02/2015 13:39

You can leave him, it just seems like a huge task because you're struggling so much.

Reading your post I asked myself 'how much worse could it get for this poor young woman and her child?' That's something to bear in mind. You have absolutely nothing to lose by leaving him and everything to gain.

Take Cognito's advice and keep trying Womens Aid.
They will understand, help and support you through this very difficult time so that the future can be better for both of you.
While you're waiting to put the separation in motion get together all the certificates and legal stuff you need and make sure you have them in a safe place to take with you.

for you.

Original poster

degonzales · 25/02/2015 13:40

thanks for all the replies, he prefers not to have sex with me anyway, and we are in a bedsit as he wouldnt pay the rent for our other house so he got us chucked out. he refuses to pay for me and my babys needs. the bedsit is private rented.

OP posts:

Selks · 25/02/2015 13:41

If you are in a bedsit waiting to be rehoused, when you get your new tendency make sure it is only your name on the tenancy agreement.

Nolim · 25/02/2015 13:41

You can leave. And you should leave. For you and your dc.

Original poster

degonzales · 25/02/2015 13:42

thanks for the advice im on womens aid website now, thanks xxxx

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 13:44

You're clearly suffering from sexual, financial and emotional abuse. The 'other stuff' that you don't want to say on the internet I am assuming is very nasty verbal abuse? Has he ever got physically violent? Does he 'accidentally' bang into you, push you or bar your way in or out of a room? Does he ever destroy your possessions? Does he threaten to take your baby from you if you leave?

crazylady12 · 25/02/2015 13:51

Am 23 and a mum of 2 my ex is a Andy piece of work says the most awful things. I have had to leave my home because he won't so I know what your going through x

Original poster

degonzales · 25/02/2015 13:59

@crazylady12 thanks, how did u leave ?? was it hard, how did u find someone else to go ??

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 25/02/2015 14:52

The WA website is a good resource but it sounds like you need more urgent intervention. Have you tried calling them?

chimchimini · 25/02/2015 14:52

Can you speak to your folks? I'd have you back in a flash if you were my daughter.

hellsbellsmelons · 25/02/2015 16:31

Also contact Citizens Advice. They can give you some idea of what benefits you would be entitled to and also help you with housing.
Keep trying Womens Aid. The website is good but you need to talk to someone and help with an exit plan.
Well done for posting. It's your first step to freedom and a better life away from this low-life, scum of a 'man'.

Lilmissconcerned · 25/02/2015 23:16

I have nothing more to add than what the ladies here have suggested.... Just wanted to give you another voice of support.

Makes me glad things like mumsnet exists as no one deserves to feel that trapped xxxx

bereal7 · 25/02/2015 23:26

springydaffs · 26/02/2015 00:08

Not everyone has 'folks' chim, OP has said as much. Its the reason she feels she can't leave.

OP, call Women's Aid after 7pm (until 7am): better chance of getting through. They will support you all the way.

You're not the only one by a long shot. Get this scum out of your life for good xx

PolkaDotsandPumpkin · 26/02/2015 04:37

OP, it sounds like a really terrible situation. I'm sorry you are having to face such misery.

From what you've said about your H not supporting you and your baby financially, it seems that if you were to leave you wouldn't be any worse off from that point of view. However, emotionally and possibly physically you and your child have so much to gain from getting away.

I'm not in the UK but MNers always speak highly of the work that Women's Aid does. Please leave him. Everyone here will be cheering you on.

I wish you well x

43percentburnt · 26/02/2015 05:38

Your life will improve when you leave him. Call womens aid today.

Good luck op xx

albal14 · 26/02/2015 06:21

Living in atent is better than staying put.
I'd help you out, you don't deserve that crap.

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