any advice on speaking to womens aid

[greenberet]

some of you may know me - I am struggling - I have just made a double appointment to see my GP this afternoon and I am going to phone womens aid - I am being emotionally abused and there seems I can do bugger all about it. This is not right! My kids are going to end up thinking that a normal relationship involves control, manipulation, non communication, lies and dishonesty unless I do something about this and they too will struggle with mental health problems. This is all because my DH thinks that his behaviour is perfectly ok because nobody has ever questioned him before- his father's behaviour is exactly the same - but they are both successful so that must mean they are ok - right? I am the one with a history of depression - funnily enough a symptom of emotional abuse - there is not enough knowledge about this out in the world and too many women are suffering because of this.

I think it's important to know, in advance, what the end goal is. Are you hoping for your DH to change his behaviour? Is your objective to finish the relationship and be independent? Once you know what you want to achieve, it'll be easier for others to advise you how to get there.

Womens Aid will probably be useful to you in a couple of ways. First is confirmation that what you are experiencing is considered abusive..... that is often a significant moment for people, however much they've read up on emotional abuse. Second is that they should be able to recommend practical ways to proceed. If you've decided to end the relationship, for example, they may be able to recommend a solicitor that has direct experience of EA

Good luck..

Sorry to hear you are so unhappy in this EA situation, but glad that you have decided to no longer accept it.
For womens aid you can take a preliminary look at their web site, do the questionnaire...
Make some notes of his typical behavior, ask if they can help.
Sadly they have seen it all before & will know what you need.

we are already in the divorce process - DH left for OW but didnt want divorce - he is displaying controlling, intimidation, manipulation, lies, drip feeding info, vague info, but continually says wants it sorted ASAP - I have had enough - i want it documented somewhere that fully gets what EA is & can confirm that his behaviour it what i see and feel it to be.

If you're already in the divorce process, ask Womens Aid about the Freedom Programme. That's aimed at female victims of male abuse and covers emotional as well as physical injury. Can affirm your experience and give you some tools to deal with it.

Are you documenting his current behaviour, keeping records and informing you solicitor every time? Can you block the direct contact if it is upsetting and intimidating and tell him to 'talk to my solicitor' instead?

thanks cog - ive been trying to keep communication open for benefit of kids but cant cope with inconsistency - ie he feels my questions unnecessary on finances but then thinks its ok to ask me where to get kids pants & tights so as my constant emails are seen as harrasment I am just saying needs to be same with kids as cant trust myself not to engage. And with him the behaviour is ignoring, drip feeding, vague which adds to the number of emails I have sent him and then he uses this against me. I have details of the Freedom programme - will be looking into it thanks. I find it outrageous that there are no consequences for inflicting emotional damage on someone which has as much if not more of an impact on a person's well being than physical abuse - no wonder the mental health service cannot cope.

Emotional abuse and coercive control are soon to be outlawed.