I've Just found out husband watches gay porn on Internet and don't know what to do.
For many years he has worn my undies sometimes and buys himself tight underwear in satin type fabric, playboy print and strings. He's been plucking chest hairs and shaving under arms and public area for 7-8 yrs. Tries to put his penis up my bum during sex. I think he must be bisexual but I don't think he has acted on it. Our eldest son is gay and he has really turned his back on him.
He's always been a selfish lover. I used to try to guide him or tell him what I do or don't like but he usually just did the opposite so I gave up trying. I get no enjoyment from sex and don't want sex with him anymore, it feels like he'd rather be with a man.
I want him to move out but I can't afford to run the home. If I leave he can't afford it.
His poor mum has been bedridden past 2yrs. He thinks not long to live. Sounds horrible but once she passes on he could afford expense of house and I could move out. Meantime I don't know if I can live like this any more.
There has been lots of problems over our 28year marriage
Long standing problem with him getting into debt. He uses credit cards/bank overdrafts up to the hilt. Hides it from me.
£12k in debt again. 4th time crunch. Usually I use savings to help clear debts but last time, 5 years ago I didn't have enough so I had to increase my work hours as he refuses to work for anyone. He is Self employed, few jobs, little income.
He Hoards Clutter/junk, impossible to do anything without it falling down. Can't even get into cupboards without having to move piles of junk. Very frustrating trying to clean or do anything. I can't invite friends around as the house is such a mess.
Controlling. Wants to know where I'm going, when back, what was said. Do things his way.
Moody, raises voice, sulks, silent treatment.
Doesn't get on with 2nd son, always putting him down. can't invite him for dinner without a tantrum from my husband
Highly critical, whatever I do, however I do it, it'll be wrong so I'm afraid to do anything
Confrontational, afraid to ask him anything, he'll jump down my throat, treading on eggshells all the time. Never get a proper answer.
Doesn't like to repeat anything. If I ask him to repeat something as I didn't hear he replies aggressively or not at all.
Evades or totally ignores any question, or says he'll talk about it later but never does.
Deceives people, for example he dresses in suit to go visit his mum so she thinks he's going to or coming home from work
Tells lies very convincingly so I am unable to trust him.
Listens in my phone calls, goes through my papers, looks over my shoulder all the time.
I feel inhibited by him though I've got nothing to hide. Just need some privacy
Suggestive looks and comments constantly. Dashes upstairs as soon as I come out the shower. Feel pressured he's looking for sex all the time.
Rants
Bad tempered at home but life and soul outside
Says I'm the one with the problem
I've let him get away with behaviour and I know it's my reaction that needs to change but feel it's too late now.
I was physically abused and sexually abused from around 8yrs old. Left home at 16, managed very well on my own for nearly 10 years, rented room, then flat then purchased my own flat age 21. No confidence or self esteem now
Some good things,
Helps around house, shops etc though wasn't always so.
Doesn't mind me going out.
Doesn't hit me!
Have suggested relationship counselling many times over the years but he totally refuses.
I haven't spoken to him yet about the Internet porn so he's not aware I know. I just don't know what to do now.
I would really appreciate your advice.