Do I have to tell him?

[eeyoreandpooh]

I am now divorced from my ex, I was living somewhere temporary but have now moved on - my question is do I have to give him our new address? We have children, whom he sees, but we have a meeting place to collect and drop the children off. Previously he used to drive round where we were living just seeing what we were doing etc. If I have to tell him obviously I will but I just wondered if I really do have to? I don't see that he really needs to know

Do you mean he used to drive round and turn up unannounced?

He didn't actually turn up, just drove around looking

God, I wouldn't tell him if I were you.

Sorry to be dense, but looking at what? Your home? Or looking to see if you were at the park? What was his intention?

Gilbert - I don't want to tell him, not at all!!
He used to drive round the roads and past the house, to see if he could see what I was doing basicly

Can't see any reason you'd need to tell him, he's got your phone number presumably, as a point of contact.

Yes, he has number if he needs it, I realise the children will tell him I just don't see why I actually have to tell him

Definitely don't tell him.

Ok, well that sounds very unreasonable of him by anyone's standards, so I can see why you want your privacy back.

Just give him an emergency contact number.

You don't have to tell him. There are arrangements in place so he can see the children.

My ex has a court order that forces me to tell him if I move house. You're not in that position so don't tell him.

Thank you all - I thought I had to tell him legally, yes, there are arrangements in place for him to see the children

And if he harrasses you, you don't have to put up with it.

My ExH harrassed me - unwanted phone calls, doorstepping me outside my own home - and the local domestic abuse unit were very supportive. (Of course the Ex didn't see it like that, but his perspective on life isn't my problem any more.)

It might be helpful to your dc. I mean won't it demonstrate negativity to then if he says to them 'oh I didn't know'.

You could let him know but not the address.

I can understand why you don't want to tell him, but am concerned about your children's involvement in the deception. Won't they talk to him about the move, their new bedrooms/garden etc? You really don't want to put them in a position where they are obliged to keep secrets from Daddy.

Would you be happy for him to take them overnight to an unknown address?

Unless he poses a threat to you or them I dont see why you you block him from knowing where his children live

As with a PP, I'm also not sure that you can keep your address secret for very long. Not suggesting that what you're doing is illegal, just pointing out that it is incredibly easy to track someone down these days, even if the children don't accidentally spill the beans. My view would be that you have to assume he will find out your address sooner rather than later and, if you don't like his stalking behaviour, you should get it documented, investigated and dealt with more formally.