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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Basically

29 replies

ArabellaStrange · 23/02/2015 19:07

I was pretty much date raped on Saturday. I had a trip booked for this week, to Berlin, with my university course, for some unintelligible reason, I thought that going would be helpful and I have spent a lot of money on it.
So now here I am in Berlin and a slightly snarky comment from the person I am sharing a room with has basically sent me into a bit of an emotional melt down.
Just wandering if there are any German speakers out there who could track down.a, rape crisis centre for me, where they might speak english?
I am probably going to fly back to England tomorrow so it isn't desperately urgent.

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 23/02/2015 19:34

You poor thing Sad. Sorry no experience but could not leave you there.

Have you thought about reporting this to the police?

Or you could phone rape crisis?

www.rapecrisis.org.uk/gettinghelp2.php

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 23/02/2015 19:50

I think the lack of consent would not be clear cut. Drugs involved but not enough to make me incapable of consenting. Rude flirty texts before we met up. Him being very persuasive/pressuring.
I will phone rape crisis when I get back to the uk.

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SocialMediaAddict · 23/02/2015 20:07

You poor thing. Hope you can fly back soon. Your university may have a counsellor you can talk to.

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 23/02/2015 20:21

It wasn't your fault. I hope you get all the help and support you need.

Hope the bastard meets a very bad end!

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 23/02/2015 20:38

Where is, I don't normally wish people ill but on this occasion, I more than agree with your sentiment. I am already seeing the university counsellor and I am on the waiting list for talking therapy through local mental health services.
He seemed so nice and then, suddenly he wasn't Hmm

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SecondRow · 23/02/2015 21:49

www.lara-berlin.de/index.php?id=21&L=6

Sorry this has happened, Arabella. This is a link to a crisis centre in Berlin. It seems the helpline is daytime only, so not much you can do until tomorrow.

Would it be helpful to write down your account of what happened - Sorry maybe this sounds insensitive - but while the memory is fresh? I hope you are able to get home tomorrow if that is what you want - do you have someone to talk to there if you need to?

FloppyRagdoll · 23/02/2015 22:13

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Arabella.

This hotline is 24 hours, and there should be someone who speaks English available.

www.hilfetelefon.de/en/about-us.html

The Samaritans (Telefonseelsorge) might also be able to help, and I am fairly confident in Berlin they will have someone who would speak English.

Freecall number 0800 111 0 111

JackieJay83 · 23/02/2015 22:27

Sorry to bombard you with advice but you should call the British Embassy, on +49 (0) 30 20457 0

JackieJay83 · 23/02/2015 22:27

Sorry to bombard you with advice but you should call the British Embassy, on +49 (0) 30 20457 0

DeckSwabber · 24/02/2015 19:02

Hope you are ok today.

SocialMediaAddict · 24/02/2015 20:51

How are you today? Thinking of you.

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 25/02/2015 09:11

Hi thank you everyone for the replies, have been putting dealing with it off. I am self medicating with my anxiety meds. Not healthy but it's what is available to me right now.
When I get back to the uk, I will start pursuing the reffferal that I have for counselling.

OP posts:
Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 25/02/2015 09:12

Again, thank you all, for the replies and advice.

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 25/02/2015 19:17
Flowers
Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 26/02/2015 01:27

I am presuming that whatever deckswabber said has been deleted as I can't see the message.
The guy who did it to me has sent a message apologising. I have screen shorted that. At no point does he actually put it in words for what he is apologising for. But I am wandering if I should reply and try and get him to do so? Then I might get something concrete to take to the police?

OP posts:
GinAndSonic · 26/02/2015 01:36

Im so sorry Arrabella, i believe you. Call rape crisis when you get back. Im having rape counselling with with them and they are brilliant.

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 26/02/2015 01:43

Thank you Gin Thanks

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AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2015 02:00

If I were you, I wouldn't reply before speaking to the police or a rape crisis counselor. They may be better placed to advise you what to say (or not say).

I just want to say that being so pressured that you don't feel you can safely refuse or you say 'yes' to get them to stop harassing you is rape. I've been there and 40 years later (yes, 40) I still remember how powerless I felt. It doesn't matter what drugs were involved or if you were stone cold sober. No means no.

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 26/02/2015 02:11

AcrossthePond that is more than true. He also hurt me quite a lot, in a very deliberate manner. Like poking his fingers into my cervix and stuff.
I will be on the phone to rape crisis as soon as I am home Friday afternoon/evening.

OP posts:
DeckSwabber · 26/02/2015 07:36

Arabella I posted flowers - obviously that didn't show on your phone.

Hope you are ok.

AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2015 15:48

Is there any way you could see a doctor for an exam? It may be too late for any possible injuries to your cervix to be visible but you never know. If there are bruises or scratches visible, take pictures. If you haven't washed the clothing you were wearing, don't.

It sounds (and was!) horrendous. No one should have to go through that. You are a survivor.

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 26/02/2015 17:02

Unless this message he sent me gives me something concretish to work from, I highly doubt I will be going to the police. I have little faith in the ability of the system to get justice and even in the event that it would work, some years in prison isn't the kind of justice I would want. The only thing that would perhaps motivate me, is knowing that I could help prevent it from happening to someone else.

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AcrossthePond55 · 26/02/2015 20:39

I'm in the US, so I can't speak to UK law enforcement. Maybe you could make a report, even if they don't do anything but file it away? Even if they don't prosecute him because your evidence is too 'flimsy', it could be a 'part of the puzzle' about him iyswim. Sadly, you probably aren't the first woman he's done this to. And probably won't be the last. So if your experience isn't enough to do anything about him, maybe somewhere, down the line, it may be enough to tip the scales towards prosecution when added to other incidences.

But you must do what you feel is right and what you have the strength now to do.

Original poster
ArabellaStrange · 27/02/2015 02:08

I will definitely talk to rape crisis about whether there is any possibility of doing something like that. This has impacted me negatively in that I have been drinking over the past week, which is in part due to the whole being away from home vibe, but I think it is very doubtful that I would have been partaking if not for the events of last Saturday. I also don't see myself engaging in sexual relations again for a very long time to come. I hard it hard to quantify the impact this may have on me, going forward.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 27/02/2015 02:37

Rape Crisis should be able to refer you to either counseling or a survivor's group.

Drinking is understandable, but probably not the best idea for you right now.

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