Anyone else have arguments every sunday morning?

[purpleapple1234]

Just had another ding dong with DH on sunday morning. Even an amateur psychologist could link this to job-related stress. I work as a teacher, it isn't especially stressful, but I hate the management and feel an unreasonable amount of stress for what the job actually is. I commute 4 hours a day. I have to work every weekend for a couple of hours on both saturday and sunday mornings.

But every sunday morning we have an argument started by me. It can be about anything (although it really pisses me off that I get up early to more work on a sunday morning, while he uses the fact that I am up and looking after DD (while working) as an excuse to have a lie-in).

Maybe it sounds petty, but I am in tears nearly every sunday over some stupid thing. This morning it was about speaking the second language in the family, last week it was about pensions, etc. etc.

You're just being human. Most couples argue - and there's a set pattern. Particular times. Sensitive topics.

Tell your DH that you've realised you get stressed on Sunday mornings and start arguments. You don't mean to. You don't want to. And it doesn't mean you don't love him. Tell him you just need a hug at times like that.

But if there's a deeper issue that's causing you resentment (him having a lie-in while you work) then you need to resolve that as well.

If you can't cope with your job and manage your time then deal with the problem directly. Either change job, change location, ask for help or something else that reduces the stress. It's very unfair to take out your frustrations with yourself on innocent third parties.

"I work as a teacher, it isn't especially stressful, but I hate the management and feel an unreasonable amount of stress for what the job actually is. I commute 4 hours a day. I have to work every weekend for a couple of hours on both saturday and sunday mornings."

To be honest it does sound stressful and a complete nightmare the way you describe it. Most management are bastards anyway, but the four hour commute every day, working every weekend; I know it's only a couple hours but you still have to turn up and it means you never get a day off from the place.

I'd be thinking seriously about looking for another job; well paid or not, just leave for something with less aggro.

The commute is verging on ridiculous.
Sorry, I don't mean to offend you.

Do you drive or commute by train?

He does not need a lie in every weekend morning! Nip that in the bud right now.

Saturday is your morning. You lie in, then you do your few hours work. One o clock you take over parenting duties. Sunday is his morning. You take care of DD so he can lie in and do your second lot of work. One o clock you both spend the rest of the day on family time.

Or whatever combination you feel is right for your family.

You need down time, you need his support at the weekend.

That is a stupid length of commute and is it really economical?

It's no surprised you are tired and irritable.

You need to either move your home or move your job as a massive and urgent priority.

Maybe downgrade job? Working closer and not having to pay as much for transport might balance out the lower salary?

Do you drink alcohol at the weekends (fri/sat nights) The only reason I ask is that I noticed that I was more stressed after a couple of nights of moderate wine intake and less good sleep. Once I stopped drinking it made a massive difference to my mood/stress level. I now still drink occasionally but I am more self aware about its effect on my mood/stress levels.
Apologies if it's not applicable to you

Oh goodness I feel for you: your hours and commute sound very stressful, and I can see how your DH's lie-in on Sundays could seem like adding insult to injury.

You need a practical solution to reduce your commute time, or to change your work pattern, because it doesn't seem like you are coping with the situation as it is.

Different job?
Move to a different town?

Yes, both are big and difficult changes, but it sounds like you need them.