Please help me. I'm so alone and don't know what to do.

[EveryDayTheSame]

I don't know where to start. I have been with my DP for 9 years. We have a 2 yo DD together, and due to get married later this year.

I have worked part time since having DD and have always supported DP in his career, has a very good job, but long hours and 6 days a week most of the time. By his own admission he wouldn't be where he was without me.

Everything was fine until around 6 weeks ago when he decided to break it to me that he didn't feel the same about me, grown apart etc usual speech. I was devestated, for me, our family and most of all our DD, how could he do this to her? Denying her of a family, brothers sisters etc. The few people we told were shocked as we have always got on great, supportive, rarely bickered etc.

After a week or so, he told me he wasn't sure he made the right decision and wanted to try again. After long talks I agreed as I desperately want us to be together. I love him.

Everything has been fine since then, until a few days ago when he got in from work and it was like he switched off. Minimum conversations. Barely getting a kiss when one of us leaves the house.

I have No one to speak to, all out friends are mutual, I don't want people to think bad of him, he is still my DD's dad at the end of the day.

I desperately want this to work, this is my life. I'm too scared to say anything as I don't want him to leave me.

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

Don't really know what replies I want. I just needed to say it.

I'm sorry it sounds like he's met someone else.
My husband was the kind of man everyone thought was Mr. Family, adored his kids (still does) and had perfect morals.

He told me his feelings had changed and swore on his children's lives that there as no-one else. Cried that I could be so callous to insinuate he would do that to his children. 30 minutes later I found all the messages including nude photos. He was fucking my child's gymnastics teacher who was also his work colleague.

This was 7 weeks ago. Just after what I thought was, the perfect Christmas. I have filed for divorce. I'm ashamed to say I played the 'pick me' dance and begged him to stay for about a week and then realised he was a revolting weak specimen of a man with a compulsive lying habit. I now loathe him (probably too much, anger is a phase after all) and I'm aiming for indifference.

These days are the hardest you will ever get through, but get through them you will. You don't deserve this.

I can't deal with this.

You can deal with this EveryDay. You can't be in a situation where someone can click their fingers and your whole world falls apart. He is serving you shit and you're eating it up.

It's time to get angry, not defeated. You have given so much to this man and now he's dangling you on a string and watching you suffer.

You need to stand up for yourself, and your DD.

What's the plan?

Yes you can!
Be strong for yourself and your dc.
Have a cuppa. Count to ten. Rant on. And know that it is not your fault.

You can and will deal with this and come out stronger. Have you family member you can talk to? Can you go and see them today ? . It is so hard but you will manage for your daughter. Thinking of you .

Awww every you can. You can do this. You need to be strong for your daughter. You will get good advice here but ultimately you are the one who will have to go through this.

Please take control of the situation. He has control because he knows you love him and would do anything to keep him.
I suggest you tell him to either work together to solve this (whatever "this" is) or do the honest thing and move out asap so you both can move on for your dds sake.

Just wanted to add my 2 cents worth as something v. similar happened to me a few years ago. My then P blew hot on cold on a daily basis. I tried to be the best girlfriend i could be, i kept thinking if i just did this / was better at that/ made more effort etc he'd realise the error of his ways and come running back into my arms.

I lived in limbo for nearly a year and it was hell. There was no OW but he had checked out of our relationship nonetheless. Anyway as the year was drawing to a close I became strong, I moved out, lived my own life and he came running back like a rocket promising me marriage, kids, a life.

I foolishly believed him and a few weeks later he changed his mind on a whim, just like that he dumped me again. I was in disbelief. I couldn't believe what an idiot I'd been.

I look back over our relationship and realise the many opportunities i had to leave with my dignity and self-esteem intact but I chose to ignore the obvious and I chose to ignore my instincts.

As much as I don't always think the best way is to LTB, we must must listen to our gut feelings. It will hurt, no-ones denying that but if I had my time again I wouldn't have put my future into the hands of someone so willing to pick me up and drop me like a christmas toy. It ground down my self-esteem and tho I have since picked up the pieces of my life moved on.

Don't invest in someone who treats you as an option. And listen to your gut, some obstacles can be overcome if two people in a relationship are able to work together but if I'm reading correctly it doesn't sound like your P is bothered enough to do so. Best wishes

needtoknow is right. Don't risk your whole life and get tangled up in marriage with a man who isn't sure, and while he's dithering is cruel and cold to you. You deserve far more. (I don't need to know you to know this. Everyone deserves far more, and anyway you sound lovely.)

You can both still be good parents. And being separated parents could be an advantage long term. You get weekends free to do things for yourself from time to time. If you do split up, make sure he sees his DC a lot at first. Make sure that bond doesn't lessen at all, otherwise he might find it too convenient to just slip out of her life, and that would be even more morally wrong than what he's already doing to you.

It's impossible to know whether he's got his eye on someone else, or he's just fallen out of love.

What you need to focus on OP is what you can control.

It's not wise to be in a situation where the relationship "is my life". You have to have a life and support outside your relationship in case things go wrong, as they have now. I would focus on what would be the way forward if you split up - could you go full time in your current job, or find another with hours that would work around childcare. Think through which friends and family members you'd like to be around you at this time. Possibly think about getting a counsellor to support you.

You can do this, you're much stronger than you think.

Please dont waste your time trying to hang onto this man, he either wants to be a part of your family or he doesn't & this is what you should be telling him. If he's undecided ask him to leave until he knows what it is he wants, this way you can be better prepared for the possibility of a fsmily of 2 & it will also give him an insight into what he will be missing.

I try and try but it gets thrown back in my face. I can't give up. I have no one.