so upsets by what dh said

[chuncksterboo]

a few days ago dh and i had an argument - he felt i was nagging/disrtubing him and i felt his response was rude. Ended up escalating and i got really upset about his rudemess and the fact i take AD's and screamed how much i hates my fcking pills, i'd be on them forever, etc - i was quite hysterical by then. he shouted at me - shut the Fck up = which off course made me more upset, firstly because he was being unsympathetic and secondly because he knows i hate him swearing at me. The i said that maybe i should increase my dose of AD's so that my feeling were dulled so much that i became like a robot, then he said if i did that he's resign from work to look after dd as he thought i could harm her if i was emotionless. I feel so upset that he thinks i could harm her (this is the second time he's said it now in an argument) . We've has some hard times since dd was born (now 6 months) but for the last couple of months (since i started my AD's, which i take to help control my overwhelming feelings/anxiety) , things have been alot better - we've both made alot of effort to help eachother and things have been generally good. i now feel it's all messed up and am so hurt by him swearing at me and saying i could harm dd - please help

I have to agree. I'm sorry Chuncksterboo, I really don't want you to feel we aren't being sympathetic - we are, really. But the worst thing to do with depression is endulge it or give into its demamnds, because you soon find out they are never ending. This is how depression ends up destroying families, because the person with depression just cant see how the illness is affecting the people around them and any sign of intolerance or anger or stress from them is taken as a sign that they don't care. You have to believe they do, but that they are only human too.

It is unreasonable to ask your partner to do things you are not capable of yourself. Please let him see this thread and then talk to him about it

hi.i have been following your thread as i am in a slightly similar situation atm.my thread on feeling depressed
i think some of the advice you have been given here is excellent.i can empathise with you in that when i feel awful i think dp should go out of his way not to upset me.then when im having a better day and am more able to see things from his pov i realise he is only human and can only take so much,plus i have to accept that he has different ways of expressing himself to me.

thanks for all your support - and monkeytrousers, don't worry, i know you're being sympathetic. it actually helps to know that i'm probably expecting too much. I just can't bear it when dh loses his temper with me as he sometimes says such spiteful things. i knows he loves me and i know he wants me to be happy, but sometimes he makes it v hard for me to be happy because of the things he says in anger

I have just read your thread and made me think about when my ds was a little baby (now 13 months). I suffered pnd but refused to go to gp. dh and I spent the first 8-9 months shouting at each other if we were in the same room for more that 30 mins.

Looking back I wish I had gone to gp's and done something about it but I guess I was in denial or did not want to admit I had failed as thats what it felt like to me.

In my eyes I was trying to do the best I could and all dh was doing was making silly and hurtful comments (which he was about it being easier to bottle feed (i BF), give jars of baby food (I cooked all his food)and me letting myself go (a*hole)!!!!).

Just wanted to let you know that after how bad it was its now much better and we have more or less ironed out and problems we had. I feel much better in myself and a more confident mother.

You will feel better and yes things are said in the heat of the moment but its a good chance to talk about it in a positive way once things have calmed down i.e he is not happy about the medication so ask him to go with you to gp so you can discuss it together and maby he will have a better understanding of it.

Good luck and hang in there. HUGGS XXX

"he makes it v hard for me to be happy because of the things he says in anger"

sorry chunckster..just want to add one more thing......he is not responsible for your happiness or unhappiness...you are...we can't rely on others to make us happy..it has to come from within

from being confident, good self esteem and a knowledge of your own worth......

and by taking steps to address your depression, you can achieve that...