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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Exdp attacked me last night

22 replies

Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:02

Not the 1st time he has done it but its definatly the last!!! He was drunk he turned up at my home i stupidly let him in (didnt want him to wake the neighbours) a row was started which ended up with him attacking me. Sad Something has finally clicked i am not sad i will not be moping about for the relationship i wanted to work. I am not going mad or being dramatic or paranoid like he says i am. He IS abusive. Finacially emotionally mentally and pysically.

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 21/02/2015 20:04

Have you called the Police? I hope you're OK Thanks

thatsn0tmyname · 21/02/2015 20:06

You poor thing. I hope you're OK. X

Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:07

No (please dont flame me) but i dont want them involved this is my 2nd abusive relationship. I involved the police with the first and i am too ashamed to involve them again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:08

I will be. I need a good nights sleep to start with then i need to start re building my life.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 21/02/2015 20:09

The shame is his, not yours. Reporting it means that you have a higher chance of keeping him away from your door. You didn't ask him to attack you, he did it because he's an abusive dick. Report him and let him be punished for it.

Fairylea · 21/02/2015 20:10

Are you safe now? Can you move away? I really think you should ring the police, I know you don't want to but he is dangerous and needs to be stopped from doing this to you again and also to protect others.

Could you ring womens aid to talk through things with them..?

So sorry this has happened to you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 20:10

I'm sorry if you've been attacked before. The police are really not keeping score and it's no reflection on you if you've been unlucky in the past. Criminality is criminality. As the victim, it's really not your fault. Do you have children?

Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:15

Yes i am safe. No i cant move (unless i win the lotto) this was the worst hes done to me. Im not minimising things or making excuses for him but i no this time im in the frame of mind to keep him away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:15

Yes i have 3dc

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 20:18

If you have DCs you can't take the risk that he'll be back and lashing out. You cant take a chance of exposing them to violence and dange r.Report him to the authorities, get him out of the picture and demonstrate that you're protecting yourself and your family.

Is he the father of the DCs?

Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:24

Hes dad to one of the youngest. I no what you are saying i will think about it.

OP posts:
JenniferGovernment · 21/02/2015 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabULouse · 21/02/2015 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:29

We have agreed for a 3rd party to arrange access and do pick up and drop offs i will only contact him in an emergency.

OP posts:
Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:30

No dcs were at grandparents on a sleepover.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 21/02/2015 20:30

I don't mean to worry you op but I used to volunteer with womens aid and you will get a lot more support from the police and women's aid themselves if you report it now rather than wait for things to escalate or happen again especially where you have children. In these sort of situations you need to show you are putting the children first and making sure their safety is being protected - in the eyes of social services and women's aid and the police they will judge this by how quickly you contacted the police.

JenniferGovernment · 21/02/2015 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tribpot · 21/02/2015 20:32

It's far more important that you protect yourself as much as you can than it is you not have to admit to the police you've had a second abusive relationship. Do you think you're the first? They will have seen this a hundred times, sadly.

It's definitely worth you talking to Women's Aid and think about doing their Freedom Programme. It's pretty common for people to go from one abusive relationship to the next (often the second relationship is just slightly less horrific than the one before so the victim assume this is 'normal' or 'good enough'). You need to challenge your mindset - possibly one you grew up around? - and make sure you don't find yourself in this position again.

Please do get the attack on record. Almost certainly if you don't there will a come a time when you wish bitterly that you had.

Do you need medical treatment? Take care of yourself.

Mabelface · 21/02/2015 20:40

Some more knowledgeable ladies will confirm this for me, but I think you have to have reported domestic violence or had it recorded with a health professional for you to get legal aid should you need it.

Original poster
Errrmmcantthinkofone · 21/02/2015 20:44

No i dont need medical care i will be fine. I will speak to womens aid.

OP posts:
Lweji · 21/02/2015 20:50

It is for your children as much as yourself that you should report it. Don't be ashamed. Not more than if you were attacked on the street for a second time.
And you're not even with him any more.

If you report him you can find the means to legally keep him out and away from you.

And another one who thinks you should enroll in the Freedom Programme.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 21/02/2015 22:34

This is not your shame sweetheart. The 2 abusive beings who you were unfortunate to meet are the ones who have the shame. Please do not ever feel ashamed to ask for help,

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