Think my head is been messed with again

[tain]

During arguments on phone, of which sadly have been many recently! Dh cuts me off will say signal dropped usually when he feels uncomfortable with where the conversation is going. This just makes me furious. Text messages he claims not have received either! Always seems to be important messages, trivial ones get through.
He will phone me, I will be chatting away only for him to answer another call in the background, with no comment to me that he is going to do this, already feel like I'm not important, long list of other stuff going on too, which I cant post about right now.

Phone always stays on when he asking where I am an what am I up to though, he has history of checking where I am, even though he fails to let me know where he is and forgets we have stuff planned so turns up late, think I'm going slightly bonkers.

Thankfully ds was with me today, an verified that Im not mad after all. How can I reclaim my sanity back?

Do you live together? Does he work away from home? Do you run a business together? I'm trying to understand why a married couple would talk to each other so often on the phone. Most people. I would have thought, might swap the odd text or have a quick conversation about something urgent during working hours but otherwise wait until you're all back home to talk properly if it's going to be about something contentious.

Being checked up on is not acceptable behaviour. Constant arguments are usually the sign of a poor relationship.

tain

Your answer to your last question is "by leaving him".

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why are you together at all given all this?.

Do you want your son to grow up believing that this is how adults actually behave in a marriage?.

You do realise that this type of behaviour that he is showing you is not at all normal but controlling and emotionally abusive to boot. BTW has he ever cheated on you before now, I ask only as you wrote this:-

"Phone always stays on when he asking where I am an what am I up to though, he has history of checking where I am, even though he fails to let me know where he is and forgets we have stuff planned so turns up late, think I'm going slightly bonkers".

Live together, dh works long hours. If we didn't discuss and talk on the phone, we probably wouldn't speak to each other very much due to work hours. That's a whole thread on its own. Just feel like I'm not standing up for myself. I have tried ignoring some of his calls but that causes unpleasantness too.

Attilla yes he has cheated before, I am aware its emotional abuse, no I don't want my son to think this is normal, but right now I cant up and leave, I need some ways to deal with this short term to keep my sanity.

Switch your phone off for a start. If it means you don't end up talking to each other at all due to his 'long hours' then I can't see that is any worse than now. The fewer opportunities he gets to wind you up, the better.

BTW you may not be able to 'up and leave' as you put it, but there's nothing stopping you from planning your exit. Have you ever got legal advice or done some research into how independent life would look in practice?

I think you find your sanity by knowing it for what it is, recognising he is probably having an affair of some kind now (that kind of contemptuous behaviour goes well with an affair) and preparing yourself to get out. Even if you think you can't leave for a couple of years, by preparing yourself emotionally you will cope with it.

You could also make a note of what's going on each day (password protect a Word document called 'Christmas presents') and record your phone calls so that a friend can listen to them afterwards and confirm you're not going mad.

Awful situation though; I wish you could get out.

Tain

re this part of your comment:-
"but right now I cant up and leave"

I was going to ask whether you have to date sought any legal advice re separation even if you feel you cannot leave yet.

Short term turn off phone.

When is a good time though to leave; there is always some occasion be it Christmas, Easter, exams etc that seems to put back a leaving date even further?.

You cannot afford to let any of your children grow up thinking that this is actually their norm and how couples behave within a marriage. They won't thank you for staying and will wonder of you perhaps why you put him before them.

I am going to get legal advice cog, Attila I hear what your saying regards a good time to leave, I have other people to consider too. I Cant go in to detail as it may out me. I need to line my ducks up first.
Imperial the word document has been going for awhile just reading what I had written back to myself made me cry, I can't believe this is where I am at this point in my life. In getting on with daily life I forget the stuff he has done. Like punching me in the chest when I confronted him about the affair.
Reading it back shocked me.
I have never cried as much before as I have in the past twelve months. I have never felt so down and defeated. I feel so worn down by dh.

Did you report the assault at the time?

No I didn't.

Having your head messed with, chronic arguments, upsetting phone-calls and your privacy invaded is quite bad enough. Being expected to tolerate infidelity is also a terrible thing that can smash your self esteem. Being punched in the chest is simply physical violence. If you didn't report it I can only think that you were too frightened to do so and/or you don't believe you deserve to be treated with respect.

Please listen to me very, very carefully. There is a time for lining up ducks and there is a time for getting yourself and anyone you care about as far away from a monster as possible and as quickly as possible. This is one of those times.

Women's Aid 0808 2000 247. Police DV Unit 101