is this normal.

[playbunnyk]

I am in a seriously bad situation. I don't even know where to start.
I have 3 children. 2 from a previous relationship and one from my current. He's only 8 months old. Before I found out I was pregnant Me and my partner were not getting on brilliantly.
I told him I was pregnant and he was over the moon. So happy he was going to be a dad. Even though I had massive doubts about him actually being a great dad and adjusting to the lifestyle. I told him a couple of days after that I was scared because I had two kids already and was worried about what having 3 would be like. He went crazy. Told me to get rid of the baby and that I was the same as all his ex girlfriends because ones of them had an abortion. I was devastated. He then came to my house and said if I don't keep the baby he will kill himself because he has nothing to live for. We had a massive row and since then have not been the same.
Throughout my pregnancy is felt he wasn't there for me. Even though I am horrible when I'm pregnant I'm sure it wasn't all me. Giving birth he was brilliant, we was there for me every step of the way and I couldn't have done it without him.

Now since baby has been born it's got worse. We had a family day out where I got up at 7 am to get all the kids and a 3 week old baby ready to go out all day and stay away over night. He got up at 12 had a shower, then decided to scream at me because I wasn't ready to go out the door when he was. He shouted so loud it made my baby cry. He called me a selfish cunt and made me cry all while my other two kids were watching. Then when I asked him why he said it's my fault and I wind him up. Seriously?? I had a baby 3 weeks before but he says that's just an excuse.

It's got worse as baby has got older. He complaints I don't let him do anything with the baby but when it's bedtime he sits and watches the tele. Then when I ask him to do it I get told to shut my noise.

The final straw came last week when he decided to remind my 12 year old that his real dad doesn't want him, because my 12 year old gave him a bit of attitude. I wouldn't have it and yes I did start to shout. He called me a whore

It's never easy, but the problem is that staying makes things worse. He will grind you down, he will convince your dcs they are unloved and unlovable too, and the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave

Yeah it's already hard. It's going to be harder knowing he has to see his son too when he lives away in London and I'm on the coast.

I just feel completely like a bad mum because yet again I have had a baby that isn't going to have a stable dad and family life. I feel so guilty and that I have to try and make it work.

Playb, no need to feel guilty :) you have been trying to make it work with an abusive man. You thought he was a normal person. He isn't. That's not your fault. That doesn't make you a bad mum.

Putting him first and letting him abuse you and your dcs would be bad. Leaving and rebuilding just you and the dcs, makes you incredibly strong. It means you put your dcs before anythjng.

If you've been unlucky in your choice of partners, that doesn't make you a bad person. If you don't like being on your own, that's not all that unusual either. When it becomes a problem is when you're prepared to put up with bad behaviour simply in order to be with someone. That usually indicates low self-esteem .... entirely possible even if you appear to be the most successful and outwardly together person alive.

Another aspect of being a resourceful problem-solving, capable type is that you can find yourself sticking with a bad relationship hoping to fix it long after others would have given it up as a bad job. Just something to think about.

I'm sorry you've had to end it but I think you'd be a good candidate - when you're ready - for some personal counselling. The Freedom Programme is aimed at female survivors of male abuse, for example.

Oh dear OP. You know this isn't normal .

My ex went through periods of being an abusive shit before we got engaged. They became more frequent when we got engaged. Constant when I was pregnant. And unbearable after DD was born as things he did were putting her in direct danger.

You really must leave.

Oh, and he also tried to tell me after I'd had her that I had PND and things between us were completely normal. My depression was situational, not clinical. He was gas lighting.

And daftly enough, when the doctor suggested AND while I was pregnant, ex kicked off and told me I wasn't depressed at all.

Making you feel crazy is a very effective tactic for stopping you leaving.