Open relationship...

[Imayregret]

I've name changed. Sorry.

Background married with two teenage DC, mid 40s. Before DC I was wild and had a lot of fun. I developed some MH issues with each pregnancy, gave up work. MH issue was OCD/Anxiety/health anxiety issues at its worst I was scared to go out, showered 4+ times a day, washed my hands raw and had no social life. Was scared to touch DH and have sex. After years (10+) of NHS help and just generally getting better/children growing up I'm actually in a really good place. Started working again/social life.
But I don't know if I might be going a bit the other way! When I got together with DH I was seeing other people. That stopped when I fell for him. He has always been sexually turned on by the thought of me with other men. We have talked about it a lot but there was certainly no chance when I was ill.

Recently an acquaintance admitted to me he fancied me, I also fancied him (hes much younger than me). I told DH and with his agreement have started a sexual relationship with other man (who is also aware that DH knows). DH is involved and encourages me in this 'relationship' for his own sexual gratification. Its been a massive rush but I'm starting to worry about the health side of it. We have been using condoms but I've also been doing other things with him that carry a risk of STIs (TMI! oral). I'm not planning on having anymore children but obviously having a new partner after 20years carries a risk (and condoms are not failsafe). I have to say I'm really enjoying it as is DH but I don't know about throwing caution to the wind if you see what I mean. Part of me thinks fuck it I'm me again and your only live once etc. but I still have the worry at the back of my mind. Obviously everything we do in life carries risk and I do have a life threatening condition which I could die from at anytime. DH & I are currently planning on stepping up the sexual adventure and have joined a site for likeminded people.

I don't really know what I'm asking really just what other people think. I know that other people do this and other people would be horrified. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Why do you care what a bunch of randoms on an internet forum think? If you are happy with the situation, why the need to post about it?

I think you may have swapped one form of semi obsessional, reckless behaviour for another. Sorry.

I think if you're worried about STIs then joining a swingers site is not the obvious way to go.

If you want to have sex with someone other than your husband that's up to you, but it doesn't mean you have to have sex with multiple other people.

If you're enjoying it and your husband is ok with it I don't see any reason to stop.

Maybe consider a back up method of contraception to use as well as condoms if you're worried about pregnancy.

You used to rub your hands raw and now your contemplating swinging? It's one extreme to the other. This will all backfire massively especially as you have MH issues. What did dh do for sex all those years? Local hook ups?

gosh. id like to say go for it but i do worry about what you are trying to prove.

You are setting yourself up for a huge fall here, if you had not had mh issues I would be concerned, with mental health issues- I think this could go horribly wrong. Sorry!

Your private life is up to you, by all means do what you want. I would imagine you would need to be very psychological stable and resilient to deal with this kind of lifestyle though, I wouldn't be able to cope with it. Does posting this mean you have doubts? Don't endanger your own mental health.

I am not qualified to comment on MH issues but if you are are happy and your DH is happy and everyone involved are consenting adults, etc then live the life you want. If you are 100% happy with the arrangements and your life then I don't see why you need to canvas opinion (Unless you are unsure...). Just make sure that you always put yourself and your health (both physical and mental) first.

You have oral sex without a condom? Yes, you are risking your health.

No idea whether this is doing your MH any good or not, but you all need an STI check pronto. And please do use condoms and dental dams (you can just cut up a condom or a latex glove) with your second.