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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Found boyfriend in bed with someone else

47 replies

ReturnofSaturn · 20/02/2015 15:09

So been living in Canada since last June. Met and started seeing a canadian guy in July I think it was. So been with him 7/8 months. Totally in love with him. He did all the chasing etc

I Recently moved to the next town about a 40 min drive away. For some reason last night after work, I had a feeling I had to go there and see him (hadn't seen him in a week)
Got there to his housing unit , knocked in his bedroom door, he in bed with someone else.

Absolutely in total shock. And heartbroken. Thought he was so in love with me. And we were planning stuff for fucks sake.
Don't know why I'm posting. I'm ducking devastated.

OP posts:

TokenGinger · 21/02/2015 08:32

What an absolute toss pot.

I hope his willy falls off.

niceupthedance · 21/02/2015 09:27

This happened to me once, was taking round his birthday present (a watch) when I walked in on him and his ex in bed. So I threw the watch at him and said 'hopefully now you will have as good timing as me', and stormed out with him running naked after me. It was pretty surreal.

No advice really except see your friends, have a good wallow and then kick some grass over that shit and move on.

MonkeySeeMonkeyDooo · 21/02/2015 11:16

Jeez what a twat. And you being too far away, so he's blaming you too? Poor thing, can't keep his dick in his pants because his gf is 40 minutes away.

To be honest OP, as much as it hurts thank goodness you found out and can walk away from this toad of a man.

Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 21/02/2015 15:18

Just woken up this morning and struggling. Tossing and turning all night dreaming and thinking about him. I miss him
and now have yet another fucking long hard day of work to somehow get through...

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Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 21/02/2015 19:39

Please someone chat and console. I'm stuck at work trying to hold myself together

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whitsernam · 21/02/2015 19:58

He's a twat; you handled it amazingly well!! Congratulate yourself. Aren't you a tiny bit glad you're not already married to him, with 3 DC? Lucky escape, seems to me. I know that doesn't help a whole lot right this second, but really, you are worth a lot more than he gave you.

whitsernam · 21/02/2015 19:59

Time wounds all heels? He'll get his someday.... for you.

Looseleaf · 21/02/2015 20:10

You must be in such shock still and hope your day has been bearable. Thinking of you.
Has he been in touch to explain or apologise? Maybe he is too embarrassed.
Awful as it must feel, thank goodness for your intuition as you know what he is really capable of, however awful and hard to take in. I understand you missing him as this is out of the blue but hope in time you'll be glad to be rid of him

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/02/2015 20:17

Sorry you had such a shock. Thank fuck for tge gut feeling though, eh? You wouldn't want to be finding that when married with kids. Just focus on what shot he is, then there'll be less to miss of him.

SuperFlyHigh · 21/02/2015 20:22

What an awful shock. Anybody's worst nightmare man or woman.

Try and move on. Also it's not often recommended here but you may need counselling (a few sessions) not a lot so you get over this properly. I would do this.

If he does get in touch please don't fall for his sob stories.

Good luck.

Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 22/02/2015 01:12

Thankyou people.

Thiis the 2nd time Iv had my heart broken by being cheated on and the first time I was also in a different country (Australia).

The first guy I had been with around 4 years but this tims seems to hurt even more even though I was only with him 8 mths, I think cause I liked this guy a lot more and he was seemingly sooo into me, totally head over heels for me so such a shock that he was the one to do this.

The first time I kinda did the pick me dance. It didn't work.
I think that experience at least helped me this time, gave me a slightly thicker skin, to at least cope with the immediate situ with a bit of dignity.

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Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 22/02/2015 01:27

And no he hasn't been in touch with any sort of apology and I don't think he even said sorry the other night when I caught him.
I won't hear from him again.
Arrogant cunt.

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AWholeLottaNosy · 22/02/2015 01:41

Oh I'm so sorry, that is the absolute worst way ever to find out someone has been unfaithful to you and I can imagine how much it must hurt. There's really nothing I can say that will help, except that now you know for sure what kind of man he is, you know now to waste no more time on him. It's absolutely no reflection on you but totally an indication of his character which would have come out eventually...

At least now you are free to move on and find a better man. In terms of learning anything from this, were there any signs at all, in hindsight, that he might be the sort of man to do this? ( not implying that you can tell, but were there any red flags you might have overlooked that you can now see more clearly..?)

jasper · 22/02/2015 01:59

total bummer. you just met the only bad Canadian.
BASTARD

Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 22/02/2015 02:22

There wasn't red flags for this sort of behaviour. Even a friend who never got on with him brilliantly and found him a bit annoying said she never thought he was like that though...even she was shocked to her core

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FrancesNiadova · 22/02/2015 09:28

He's done you a favour, he's shown his true colours early on in your relationship. The loving boyfriend act was just that; an act that he couldn't keep going.
Throw him behind you. Just because he's a pile of x#@! doesn't mean that you have to feel bad/embarrassed/down on yourself. You're fine, as your instincts told you; you are the one who can hold their head high & feel actually rather proud of their inner-self.
Oh, and as for going on a diet, you have...you've lost 12 stones of lying, cheating scumbag & I bet that you'll feel so much better for it.

Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 22/02/2015 15:44

Very insightful post Frances, thankyou,
Think you may be right with regards to the act that he could not sustain

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Original poster

ReturnofSaturn · 24/02/2015 19:40

This just gets better.

He actually emailed me a couple of days ago, firstly denying anything ever happening with this girl etc etc unbeknownst to him, just an hour of so earlier my friend who lives in very close proximity to him, texted me to say a couple of people knew about him and the girl (she had obviously done a bit of asking round that day) so great timing from him with that bullshit email

Just utterly insane for him to even begin to think he can chat his way out of this one ....

But the worst thing is, I mentioned he lives in the next town, but while we were together he was always looking for a job in my town and to move here with me.... Well in this same email he has told me he has got a job, with the same company I work for and who my brother works for and our friends!!! It's a big company which owns quite a few hotels and bars in the town.
He's actually gonna be working at the hotel where my brothers workshop is, he's a carpenter for the same co.

I'm absolutely fuming!! And so is my brother. Can't believe this!! The bastard!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 24/02/2015 19:57

Why are you fuming? I would be laughing my fucking head off!

Can you imagine his face when he realises that not only do you and your friends work for the company but that your brother is in the same building?!

I think you should save that up and let your brother tell him :o

Bogeyface · 24/02/2015 19:59

Oh and I suspect that the email was fishing because he has nowhere to live in your town now. Not a problems because I suspect he wont be there very long :)

tipp2chicago · 24/02/2015 20:00

The best way to get over one is get under another as they say. (I might not be entirely serious. )

BonfireofTheVanitiesss · 24/02/2015 22:08

was taking round his birthday present (a watch) when I walked in on him and his ex in bed. So I threw the watch at him and said 'hopefully now you will have as good timing as me', and stormed out with him running naked after me

niceupthedance this is brilliant. OP - sounds like you handled it really well and I agree that it's bad for him that he is moving to this company w your brother and not for you.

Thank god this has never happened to me - but I always thought that if it ever did, I would march into the room and sit down and say to the woman "I obviously need to have a conversation with my bf right now and you need to leave" and just make her have to go through the humiliation of getting dressed and collect her clothes in front of me AND the dire awkwardness of the man. It's probably something I'd never have the balls to pull off as I'd want to run from their in tears. But it's my hard as nails fantasy reaction.

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