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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Yr relationship with the ex husbands partner

11 replies

doglover17 · 20/02/2015 11:01

I am a stepmom. I am looking for honest replies on what you want in terms of a relationship (or not) with your ex husbands partner/wife. What would be the ideal for you in terms of contact and interaction with your children?

I have no agenda, just genuinely curious and hoping to learn a thing or to on the way.

Thank you :-)

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 20/02/2015 16:16

It's going to be quite an individual response. Some people are very insecure and find any level of contact above the strictly necessary to be anxiety-making. Others all go off on holiday as one big happy blended family. Are you struggling to find a happy medium?

Lyinginwait888 · 20/02/2015 16:19

I like my XHs partner. Shes nice to my children. Clever girl,. She's been giving my children a secure home when they visit. I think she's probably sold herself short with my x, but I would say that wouldn't i?

I have spoken to her about drop off timings/scooters all that boring stuff. For discipline and more involved stuff I speak to the x.

3mum · 20/02/2015 16:56

Personally I don't want or need anything from my exH partners except for them to be reasonably civil to my children when they visit exH.

In my ideal world I would never have to see or speak to him again and I am as NC as I can manage. Certainly I have no interest in any sort of contact or relationship with his women.

balia · 20/02/2015 17:04

I really liked my ex's wife (now ex-wife) and she was really nice to our DD and was a great role model. They stayed in touch after the divorce (more than can be said for her father) It was very handy to be able to talk to her when little difficulties arose (between DD and her Dc's, for example) because ex is a dick. I don't get the whole never speaking to anyone who talks to my ex thing, it seems a bit petty. However, I think you have to play it by what the ex is comfortable with. No point offering friendship to someone who is invested in not liking you for the sake of it.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 20/02/2015 17:08

I really liked my exs partner. In fact I thought she could do better than ex! But we got on great and dd1 cared about her. Sadly dickhead ex messed that up to and I was actually a shoulder to cry on.

dalmatianmad · 20/02/2015 17:12

My ex's new partner is truly awful and seems intent on winding me up at every opportunity. I don't have any contact with her, I tried in the beginning but she's caused so much trouble for me.
my ds doesn't say much about her but I think she's good to him and that's all I want.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 20/02/2015 17:20

Ex h is perfectly competent with children and in the home so I never had that horrible feeling that some random was doing all the parenting.

I think a lot of people's problems with step mums often stems from a dad who doesn't do anything and so the new gf steps in.

Ex dhs dp is lovely. I couldn't ask for a nicer woman. She is a great friend. She doesn't bother much with Ds - I mean she's lovely to him but not ott. That's how we all like it.

OllyBJolly · 20/02/2015 17:30

My ex's ex (sadly) is wonderful and both my kids keep in touch with her (although have to say eldest came back in a ridiculous state last time they had a night out!). She was incredibly supportive during the terrible teenage years - much more sensible and helpful than their dad ever was. We were never bosom buddies, but I felt she was onside.

Never met the new GF, but as my DDs are now grown up, and she's only a year older than DD1, I'm not sure we would have much in common.

OllyBJolly · 20/02/2015 17:31

Never met the new GF, but as my DDs are now grown up, and she's only a year older than DD1, I'm not sure we would have much in common.

Original poster

doglover17 · 21/02/2015 12:40

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it. It is good to get a feel for what people want/would like, even if the answers are quite diverse.

I don't have any contact with the ex wife, very, very occasionally run into her as we live close by. All contact is through my OH. I am not the OW btw;-). We have been together three years now and intend to get married. I hope that things can be civil for everyone's benefit. I want to do right by my SC and not upset anyone. Good to hear other people's experiences.

OP posts:

shelley1977 · 21/02/2015 13:41

I have no problem with my exs partner, on the rare occasions my children see either of them, twice a year maybe, I'd probably trust her more than him to look after them.
On the other side my partners ex is horrible and hates me even though I've done nothing wrong. I like the girls and get on well with them. I'd think she would be happy that I'm not some horrible bitch but think she would prefer it that way! She makes life very difficult at times for all involved, its horrible to see how it hurts my partner and the children

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