Couple arguing / 'discussing' - would you have said anything?

[redundantandbitter]

Just wondering really....

Tonight at a swimming lesson with my 2 x dds we were sat in the cafe and there was couple with a young DS (approx 3yrs old). They were talking, at times , quite heatedly about their marriage. We were sat on the next table. My 10 yr old daughter started to get a bit bothered and eventually we moved to the other side if the room. Must have been 30 mins of this conversation. After they'd left the cafe the other mum in the room, and the staff, commented on how it was the wrong place to have a big discussion of this type.

Would you have said anything? I was so tempted as my dd was troubled . But didn't.

Better than loads of snogging

If they were being abusive or swearing at each other then yes, I'd be moving with my ten year old.

But a normal discussion about relationship where they're a bit annoyed, no.

I do find it very funny watching folk arguing in Ikea - sooooo many people argue in Ikea

What would you have said

I think you should explain to your dd that sometimes people disagree and it's polite to just ignore.

I wouldn't say anything. We can't hope to control everything that happens around us. I would use it as an opportunity to open a thoughtful discussion with your daughter on ways of communicating - something as a society we tend to ignore (once the noise had died down..).

I did say to my dd that people won't always agree with each other 100% of the time and sometimes we have to get these things out in the open to discuss, even if it's a bit hard. But better than bottling up/resenting etc.

Her response was along the lines of 'yes, but can't they have that talk at home by themselves'. She had a fair point.

No!! Just move away

If they were shouting and swearing in a children's playground for example, maybe. If they were having a "heated discussion" in a cafe then no.

Just move away, this is the real world not a Disney cartoon and these things happen.

No. I can't imagine this situation would be in any way improved with total strangers butting in and giving their opinion on the matter in hand.

You really think you should have gone over and said "Would you mind not discussing your problems, my pfb is getting distressed"

What planet are you on?

Er no. Was just wondering what others would do in the same situation.

I'd have done what you did, move away and make a simple explaination to my daughter.

I use instances of other people's inappropriate behaviour as an example to her to be mindful of how her behaviour can look to others so she learns from it (especially loud children/teenagers) but we all have our off days so don't expect perfection from anyone.

Not everyone can have a discussion at home.

Unless there was some kind of clear verbal abuse or really nasty taunting in their discussion, I don't see why it should bother you? If it was very loud, at best you could ask them to be quiet?

Possibly a separated couple who come together to watch DS have a lesson? My DD and her ex go together and he often tries to bring up other things while they are there.

I think I would have had a word with the staff and asked them to intervene. No point everyone sitting around tutting while two people are going at each other. A polite request from staff to take the row elsewhere because it was disturbing other customers would have been appropriate

I don't think it was your place to say anything.

If people were shouting or swearing or saying abusive or threatening, or inappropriately sexual things (you don't say if they were but if they were) then I would ask staff to sort it out.

If they were just having a discussion that happened to be personal and I could hear it because I was close, and I didn't want to tabhang, I would do as you did and move further away.

I think, for a 10yo to be upset and for others in the room to have all noticed, the argument would have had to be pretty overtly nasty and at volume. If it was just a matter of overhearing private details about an unhappy relationship spoken quietly, the adults might have felt uncomfortable but a typical 10 yo would not have picked up on it.

No one has the right to cause a disturbance in a public place.

Er no. Was just wondering what others would do in the same situation.

A big fat nothing.

It is none of your business. Sometimes a discussion about issues over a cup of coffee is the way to go because, as someone has already said, not everyone wants to talk about this stuff at home. In any case the "heated" discussion may have developed spontaneously.

I'm sure the op would have mentioned swearing, nastiness or abusive language if that's what had happened. The op said:

They were talking, at times , quite heatedly about their marriage.

So only sometimes heated and the rest talking. We've sometimes had heated discussions while doing the food shop. It happens.

I hate the 'it isnone of your business' comments. Some things ARE our business, because as a society we should all be looking out for each other. There is nothing wrong in putting the question out there of 'at which point is it my business?'

I see similar 'none of your business' comments to when a MNetter witnesses a child being hit or a person being verbally abused.

Surely, what other people do in public, particulaly to other people can well be our business. The OP was just canvassing opinion on whether this was one of those moments.

I think it depends. If one of the parties was looking distressed I think a word could be had. It may be the public place was deliberate as a more safe place to bring up an explosive topic. Or they might be separated and this is their only opportunity.

I think it's right to keep an eye on people having an argument because I don't think you can abdicate responsibility if you witness someone being bullied or abused.

If it's just an argument in public that isn't abusive then no, I wouldn't get involved. This might be a rare opportunity for the weaker party to bloody well have their say for once.

When I left my xh we met up in public to talk. It never got heated but we were obviously discussing the state of our marriage. I had things to say and I'd never had a voice before, so I'm glad no one interrupted.

In certain circumstances I do think things are my business and I have intervened numerous times - chased shoplifters, walked towards screams in a wood, and the list goes on, but a argument between a couple which is not nasty is not one of those situations. It may be embarrassing to witness, but not worthy of an intervention.

Perhaps my problem is that I love watching other people in coffee shops and it wouldn't have bothered me.

I agree Nutella. When we've had big things to talk about it helps to leave your house and we frequently head to the nearest cafe. They don't have to be marital problems either. When my husband had a very scary health diagnosis we didn't go home, we went to get coffee. Home is full of distractions and jobs that need doing. In a cafe you can just sit and talk.