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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why do I feel like this

5 replies

tooyoungformidlifecrisisbut · 23/10/2006 22:53

Very regular poster on here but have to change my name as a couple of people know me, so not a troll honest.

I work pt a couple of evenings a week. I have 2 children, the youngest 6 months. At work, everyone thinks I'm great fun, it's a young crowd there and although they know I'm 32 they treat me like someone young and fun and single even though I've been married a decade now. At home, Dh treats me like his employee and keeps on at me about the chores and stuff and it just really gets me down. I feel like I've given everything up about me for him. We met at 18 and I cancelled gap year plans for him, I relocated after uni to marry him, I gave up a successful career to have children (my choice too). There's a young lad at work who I'm really good friends with, he is 20 and just makes me feel like I'm young. I just want to go back 12 years and do it all again a bit differently. I feel totally tied down and like I've had to lose my personality to fit in with dh. The guy from work told me he was leaving today and I got so upset on my way home because I just feel like I've wasted so much of my youth and freedom by settling down so early.

Reading what I've written makes me feel like a sad middle aged person having a mid life crisis, but I'm too young for that (I hope). Are these feelings normal? Do a lot of mums who give up things feel like this? and what can I do? I've tried talking to DH but he doesn't "get it" at all. I just wish I could be 20 again (but slim and beautiful this time) and run away and sow some oats. Settling down with my first boyfriend was a bit different to that! Help!

OP posts:
liveagorybloodfilledlife · 23/10/2006 23:08

i'm 37 now and was at your stage when 35. and i've bloody well done it! am living my 20's now! kids are bit older but i've gone back to uni (gave up cos preg wiv dd1), left exh, got new dp and having my 'own' life, am being 'me' not exh vision of me! (not that recommend obviously family break up, being 20 in your 30's etc very bad form cough cough )

Wait a few more years, see how you feel then. liven up marriage if you can - you are NOT middle aged at all! got years for that yet. go for romp in woods and start dating dh again - if he doesn't want any of that nonsense have a secret plan for when kids are bigger and you need your life back. (I didn't say that - am not suggesting any thing )

dislexicicecream · 23/10/2006 23:13

as your youngest is only 6 mounths is there anychance u have post natle depretion that hasnt been picked up on?

tooyoungformidlifecrisisbut · 24/10/2006 11:54

thank you live a gory blood filled life! You've made me smile - good to know there is life after middle age!! Will try what you say and in the meantime live my secret life on the net

OP posts:
Essie · 24/10/2006 12:45

I totally understand what you are saying. I love dh totally. But............. feel like I've lost me somewhere along the line. I have 3 kiddies that I adore. I'm a stay at home mum. I got married at 20 left all my friends and family behind to relocate. Dh seems to have forgotten that I am a girly who likes to laugh. Feel like I am either cleaning, cooking, playing kiddy games, or cleaning some more. We had a big argument the other day - he invited some friend of him over without checking with me. I had to russle up some food for us all. Then standard row is that he never helps with the dishes. So after all that running around, trying to keep everyones needs looked after including him, what does he do in return - sit on his bum and watch the tv. My brother came to stay with us recently and he took me out to some bars in the evening - and I felt like a different person. Like the person I used to be. I actually laughed and laughed for the first time in ages! Dh has just said he is getting broody again too........... Yet there is NO way I am going there until I know we can have some kind of friendship again. I have waffled on here, and lost the plot! sorry!

bumptobabies · 24/10/2006 13:08

i married at 20 after having dd however it was short lived and broke my heart.i then spent my 20s deperate to settle down again and did so 6yrs ago and have ds 3 however the last 6yrs i have felt like im in my 60s and im 32 too, dh would rather potter in his shed than make me feel the love of his life. we are going to start relate and live seperate, it was a hard choice to make ie for the kids and lack of money but i realise that till death do us part would mean a miserable life for me and i cant do that. so i feel for you and yes it is normal to feel this, however i would bear in mind that hormones proberbly havnt settled yet after baby and give it your all then you will have no regrets like if id just tried x

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