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Original poster

had enough of walking on eggshells - moody partner

51 replies

freshbakedcakes · 19/02/2015 10:42

I've been with my partner for about 2 years. We have been serious for the last 11 months, which is when I introduced him to my dc and now we've progressed to him being here most of the time. At first everything was really great, recently things have changed. We used to cook together every night and enjoyed it. However he seems to get irritated at me now , I only have a small kitchen so when I am in his way he gets visibly annoyed, or when im chopping he'll raise his eyebrows and say I'm doing it wrong, or will just sigh at me. I've stopped cooking with him now, when he's in the kitchen I keep away. He is happy to do all the cooking, washing up so I just leave him to it.
Another issue is that he's told me he sometimes feels insecure in a relationship. Fair enough, so do I sometimes. I have male friends/colleagues who I keep in touch with via text. If my phone makes a noise, or vibrates, my partner will yet again sigh loudly and pull this face like he is gritting his teeth. He will do this whoever it is texting me though even if it's a female friend, he has no way of knowing who it is. I have found myself turning the vibrate/noise off my phone, or quickly putting it down if I hear him coming into the room to avoid his stupid reaction. When he gets into one of these moods, he'll often go silent and just look really pissed off. I will ask what's wrong and he says "nothing" when it's obvious there is. I may then give up and go up to bed, he'll later follow and we'll lay there in a silent, tense atmosphere.
He's at his house for the next couple of days and I am looking forward to being able to lay on my sofa tonight and browse mumsnet, or text whoever I want and laugh out loud if they tell me a joke. I have spoken to my partner about all these issues before and he's said he will change and communicate more and not get paranoid when I talk to someone else. But still the same thing happens. Not sure I want to continue this relationship anymore, feeling like I am walking on eggshells in my own house in a relationship that's still fairly new-ish. This post makes him sound like a teenager, but he is in his 40s! I am in my twenties so we do have quite a big age gap, not sure if that has anything to do with it as it's never been a problem for us.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 19/02/2015 15:51

I'd finish it, he sounds too much work to bother with.

Deep, loud sighing gets right on my tits anyway, I'd bin him just for that.

AnyFucker · 19/02/2015 15:53

The thing is though, PS, some women do like that

strangely

queenoftheknight · 19/02/2015 15:54

These seem like small things, but he is already controlling you, you already feel uncomfortable and unable to behave in a natural way, as you actually are. You already are banished from your OWN kitchen, your phone and friends are essentially banned, at least when he is there. What next? Your clothes? Your job? Your car?

And what if you don't obey? You don't have to read many threads on here to discover what happens next.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 19/02/2015 15:56

If you stay with him you will massively regret it. It's never going to get better you know.

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 19/02/2015 16:03

I would break up with him. He finds you irritating ,why would you want to stay with him? He sounds like a childish control freak.

Original poster
freshbakedcakes · 19/02/2015 18:24

You've all basically said what I knew deep down Sad think I know what I need to do now....

OP posts:
Ouchbloodyouch · 19/02/2015 18:30

Is his name Neil?

pinkyredrose · 19/02/2015 18:31

He may be in his 40s but he sounds emotionally immature. You can do better.

If you're looking forward to being on your own while he's at his then that really tells you everything you need to know.

Original poster
freshbakedcakes · 19/02/2015 18:52

ouch no he isn't a Neil - I take it this behaviour is pretty common then if it's sounding familiar to people.

OP posts:
CitySnicker · 19/02/2015 19:22

Sounds like my ex. Penny finally dropped that he was a narc and he was trying in vain to get me to behave. Come to think of it,....he'd be early 40s now!!!

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 19/02/2015 19:58

Sounds like my ex too. I love the fact that the only eggshells I walk on are those I manage to drop on the floor when making an omelette!

Ouchbloodyouch · 19/02/2015 20:27

I was going to say narc to but every time you say narc it gets a bit heated. I had the loud sighs.. i remember having food and a friend texted me whilst we were eating. Cue huffs, puffs and loud sighs because she was out of order 'for texting whilst we were eating' I didn't realise there was a dedicated meal time for the British Isles. Confused

Ouchbloodyouch · 19/02/2015 20:28

citysnicker:was yours Neil ?

Jux · 19/02/2015 21:02

Yes, be strong and end it quickly. If poss, just pack up whatever he's left at your place while he's at his, and then just call him, tell him it's over and ask him to take his things. Short and sharp.

His sighs etc when your phone goes off is him trying to isolate you. His impatience with your cooking/prepping is designed to lower your confidence.

He'll promise you the moon though. Don't listen.

CitySnicker · 19/02/2015 21:10

Def not Neil either Smile

ihatethecold · 19/02/2015 22:34

Bloody hell my hideous ex was called Neil! Confused

frankbough · 20/02/2015 07:51

Maybe it's a generational thing, lots of people seem glued to their phones these days.. A text is the equivalent of a conversation and surely it's social etiquette to pick up the conversations in private rather than in the company of another..
So I think your being rude, but rather than tutting or sighing he should explain...
In relationships problems arise all the time it's having the maturity to realise that maybe certain types of behaviour that the other person finds annoying and agreeing a strategy on how to manage these situations...
Otherwise you'll LTB everytime their is a sign of conflict...

AQUAFlow · 20/02/2015 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frankbough · 20/02/2015 08:06

"That there maybe"...

frankbough · 20/02/2015 08:07

Sorry people who are on their phones all the time are knobbers...

Original poster
freshbakedcakes · 20/02/2015 08:11

He's not really an 'old' 40-something and he is frequently on his phone himself when I am next to him or watching a film together, checking sport apps. Feels like one rule for him but another for me, just because I am reading a text instead of checking a football score.

OP posts:
LadyBlaBlah · 20/02/2015 08:17

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

He shows all the signs OP.
This won't get better.

It's just a skill to learn in spotting assholes. Most of us learn the hard way too Hmm

frankbough · 20/02/2015 08:34

Put your phone down.. I honestly don't think it'll be the last time you have this issue.. And tbh this relationship has very little shelf life... You should be out enjoying yourself..

zipzap · 20/02/2015 09:27

Out of interest, what do you think he would do if you were to sigh every time he looked at his phone or tell him that he was chopping the veg wrong?

I'm guessing that he would not only be very affronted that you had dared to criticise or question him but doubly so that you had stepped outside the role that he has for you of underling to his being in charge. You've already noticed that it's one rule for him and another one for you.

You're not in a partnership with this man - he's not your 'dp' because he doesn't see you as his equal and that's a really horrible place to be - as you are now finding out. It's a slippery slope that you're near the top of now - imagine how much worse it will be when you are hurtling down it a few years on (or being pushed down it!)

Think also of your dc - is this something you want them to think of as being normal in a relationship?

mix56 · 20/02/2015 09:36

O God, just tell him you don't want him coming back.
he has his own house, thank the LORD, there is no messy housing issue, or people out on the street.
Please read what you wrote....in your 20s, older man trying to dominate, no harmony, looking forward to him being away....well that's promising isn't it.
He won't change, he may temporarily try, but people DON'T change.
Finito

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