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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finally - I actually stood up for myself - BUT still feel so embarrassed...

9 replies

WotchOotErAPolis · 18/02/2015 22:49

Cards on the table, I made a booboo and got 'found out'. Bit of a long explanation but hold on...!

I messed up a friend's business twitter account, whilst trying to set it up for them [they were getting frustrated and I thought I'd do them a favour], ages ago and tried to delete it, after deciding that actually it was a sh*t idea: they'd ask me if they really did want me to do it; and so that there would effectively be 'no harm done'. I thought I actually had deleted the account and promptly forgot all about it, so didn't say anything as I didn't think at the time there was anything to apologise for.

However, last night they texted me to ask if I had tried to set up an account for them as they had finally got round to doing it, only to discover it was already there. They got quite angry about it [understandably], and I felt flustered as I really thought I'd not done any harm and had so to speak, covered my tracks anyway - if I had thought it was still there, I would have told them and said sorry at the time. I sent an apologetic text [it was after midnight by then] and gave them all the details of login/pwd/email attached/etc so they could get it going for themselves.

[a little aside: I then checked a twitter account I'd had for two previous businesses of mine, which should also have been deleted and found that they too still existed! How hard is it to delete a twitter account anyway?! I tried again to delete my own account and it just wouldn't 'go']

I waited until my friend came over this evening and again apologised. The conversation went kind of like this:

me : I'm sorry about my stuff-up. I had originally thought I was doing you a favour, but decided that it was a sh*t idea and that you would ask me if you wanted me to do it for you. I did what I believed I needed to do to delete the account and then forgot all about it as I didn't think there was anything amiss, having deleted it anyway.

them : I was really angry as I felt you'd interfered when you didn't need to

me : I do understand - as I said, I thought it would be nice to do you a favour but having decided on reflection that it wasn't really a good idea, deleted the account; and I believed it had been deleted; I knew you would have asked me if you needed help and I didn't actually need to set up an account for you; I didn't think to tell you as the account should not have existed any more

them : ok, but you really shouldn't have done it

me : I know and I'm sorry

Anyway, looking back on it, I did actually stand my ground didn't I? But why do I still feel embarrassed? I don't often stand up for myself and sometimes when I do, I make a balls-up of it and end up looking foolish. At least this time, I got an 'OK' which might be the nearest I get to 'I accept your apology' and that will do!

Any 'could do better' tips for next time? I'm happy to apologise for things I do wrong [I like to think I'm mature enough to say sorry when It's necessary], but don't like it if the person wronged doesn't explicitly say 'apology accepted'.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2015 22:51

I think you did absolutely fine, and they came across as ungracious

pocketsaviour · 18/02/2015 22:57

You said
At least this time, I got an 'OK' which might be the nearest I get to 'I accept your apology' and that will do!

Has something similar happened with this friend before?

chachachar · 18/02/2015 22:57

I'm not seeing either of you saying anything wrong there, tbh, it sounds like a fairly mature exchange to me.

countessmarkyabitch · 18/02/2015 23:01

This bit here:

them : ok, but you really shouldn't have done it

me : I know and I'm sorry

WotchOotErAPolis · 18/02/2015 23:04

pocketsaviour : nah, when I said At least this time, I meant that generally, when I apologise for anything to anyone I don't stand my ground and just get flustered and end up feeling stupid rather than assertively re-stating my apology and then feeling like I have actually done something constructive for a change, so both parties can move on!

I don't make a habit of it [I hope!].

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 18/02/2015 23:28

You shouldn't feel stupid for that exchange

WotchOotErAPolis · 19/02/2015 00:00

Why didn't I find MN years ago?!

Who needs counselling, when you have people here who've seen it all before and can see things from an outside perspective.

Flowersall round!

Feeling stronger already! Thank you!

OP posts:
Primaryteach87 · 19/02/2015 00:06

I don't think either you or your friend said anything wrong or untoward. Both of you sound like you expressed your feelings well, made valid points and hopefully the whole matter can be forgotten/forgiven.

I don't agree with the pp who said you should have said "I've already apologised", sometimes people need you to feel like you've understood their feeling or even you might have to apolgise more than once just to show you mean it. That doesn't mean becoming a grovelling wreck.

You clearly handled it very well and should feel fine about it.

TheListingAttic · 19/02/2015 17:03

I agree that what you and your friend said both sound fine. If you start going "yeah, well I've already apologised!" just because they make clear they wish you hadn't done it (a fair reaction!) you sound a bit passive-aggressive to be honest. Just because you've apologised, doesn't invalidate how she feels about what you did in the first place. I think you were entirely right to simply re-iterate your apology. She was probably still a bit het up, having just found out. Sounds like your apology is accepted to me!

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