Give me hope...

[postlady11]

Hi all you lovely people. I just needed cheering up and was hoping some of you could lift me out of this terrible situation I'm in by telling me your lovely stories of how after being in an EA marriage you managed to move on and find real love again and that life worked out in the end ??? I'm just so afraid I'll never meet anyone else or that I'll be too damaged to love again. Please tell me your stories of hope as it would really lift me as I'm feeling so overwhelmed and low x

I'm just scared that my stbxh will always be able to control me, through out ds. Please tell me once I move out and move on things will be easier...

I don't have experience of this but I'm bumping for you

Thank you I just need to hear some happy endings.

Not sure where everyone is

Anyfucker: maybe trying to work out who's killed Lucy?!

I'm stuck right there with you. Mine is emotionally and financially abusive and rather controlling.

I can't help much, but here for mutual handholding if you need it. [Thanks]

Little housewifey thank you. Also financially controlling that's why I'm still stuck in the same house even though we don't need to be. Can't argue with crazy! Here to hold your hand too. Pm me if you want a good chat and a moan x

Maybe, postlady

I have seen Happy Ever Afters on here though. Must be a slow night for that.

Hi Postlady. I am in a similar position to you. Split from my EA STBXH at the beginning of Jan but still stuck in the same house.

I have not reached the happy ever after stage yet but I'm really looking forward to it!!

I was reading the EE thread, now my head hurts

postlady - I think you can find love again but more importantly, you start gradually finding out who you are and become happy that you bravely left an EA relationship.

Treat yourself, do things you would never have done in your marriage, find your strength and you will be happier.

You don't need a man to love you to be complete but I do think that can happen when you least expect it.

You will have some bond for a while because of your DCs but he doesn't have to control you anymore. The hardest part is done now and it will get easier.

Been out of a Ea relationship for a year.
Haven't met anyone serious but have had fun looking!
Most important thing is I am content with my life and I don't feel like I need a DP.
Being single has changed everything for me, I am a new person and look forward to the future BUT I did spend lot's of time processing things, make sure you're in a good place before you start a new relationship!
My Dc's are much happier too :-)

I'm a happy ever after.

Take your time and get some counselling as to how to came to be stuck in an EA relationship, so that it doesn't happen again, that's my advice.

I had an EA marriage. A ten year gap with some dating, then managed to fix myself up with another EA relationship. Both were 'nice' men with issues. There were lots of red flags at the beginning which I saw but chose to ignore/believe things would change/they would change once they felt more secure as we settled down. Big mistake.

I've finally got a good normal relationship with a DP who makes me very happy and without all those red flags and bad behaviour and making excuses to myself for him. I have very strong boundaries and the confidence to live by them. If DP ever started being EA I'd leave him in a blink. My regret is that it took a 2nd EA relationship for me to learn those lessons, and the confidence to expect what I deserve.

Hi ladies. Thank you all for taking the time to write. I was just having a massive panic about life as a single lady. But I know I'll b ok and prob enjoy dating...well maybe for a bit! I just find it weird thinking about going on dates and flirting etc, in a weird way i feel like I would be cheating on my stbxh! U never wanted to split but unfortunately it's the only option now. I'm sure all these feelings will pass and as you have all said there is no rush anyway...other than my biological clock is tickling and I want to meet someone else before it stops ticking!!!!!!

I got out of an abusive marriage of 12 years. I was 37 and had 3 kids. I met my now Dh very quickly afterwards and we have been very happily married for almost 12 years now

I always said Id NEVER marry again,my first was awful.This one is not. It took a bit of work on both our parts,I definitely had "issues" .Flinched if he lifted his arm up and I was close by.Had nightmares and would start sobbing in my sleep if he snuggled up at night sometimes. I was always waiting on the other shoe to fall and used to tense up when I heard his key in the door.He gentled me out of that,I learned to relax and trust again and let my guard down.It been a wonderful 12 years so far

Maybe he'll die. That's what happened to my sisters abusive DP. He's dead and she's free.

I was single and celibate for 6 years. Swore that part of my life was over after just 6 years of EA.
But now a year down the line with someone who is so kind and thoughtful. Who fancies me too. We are currently spending our first anniversary in Florence. It's been a magic year.

My happy ever after is not the one you want to hear, but it has brought me great peace and joy.

Like you, after leaving my abusive exh, I was terrified that I would never find anyone else, or be too damaged for another relationship. Because being alone still felt terrifying, and because I was so used to thinking that I was not good enough: two beliefs that had kept me in my abusive marriage for so long.

I am single. I dated, met some nice men and some mistakes. But honestly, my happy ever after is that now, I am not terrified about being alone, and I don't think that I'm broken or damaged and not good enough. I am happy as I am.

I know you wanted to hear that Prince Charming is out there for every woman who leaves a toad. But honestly, ceasing to rely on a man for my own happiness is the best thing that's happened to me. I hope you may also grow to experience that feeling, with time.

I was unceremoniously dumped from an EA relationship .... talk about adding insult to injury! ... Had a sort of 'mad' five years subsequently, travelling a lot, throwing myself into my career, trying all kinds of daft stuff and generally trying to catch up and work out who I was after 12 years of being forced to compromise. It was a lot of fun.

Twenty years on and my life is very different and has worked out quite well. There's no permanent partner or 'love of my life' but there is a lot of love in my life. I have a DS that I adore. Materially, I am more than OK. There are the usual problems that everyone has but I generally do things my way and anyone who disagrees gets a one way ticket to Outtahere.... :)

I have gone from long term relationship to long term relationship throughout my adult life. Only now, when my DCs are grown up, am i realising that being single is very good indeed. I've not been in a relationship since i split with controlling XP 3 years ago.

I've spent those years growing into a more confident person, a nicer person, someone others enjoy being with. I joined groups - meetup.com is good - including local interest and sporting groups, did somevoluntary work, got back in contact with a couple of old friends and generally got busy. I now, for the first time in my life, have a very active social life and a circle of good friends.

So OP, I'd say take charge of yourself and your DS. You can only be contriolled if you allow yourself to be. If you need to distance yourself from XP you may need to insist (do it legally if necessary) that any discussions about DS/contact are via email.

Meeting another partner is something that may happen for me and you. I know that if it doesn't, its really not the end of the world becoase I'm having a good time without one and my standards are high.

Wow ladies thank you. Your messages are so inspirational and try all made me cry and made me realise that life can be so shit so people sometimes but life is a journey and I know the further down I travel the further I will leave this chapter in my life behind. It's been pretty exhausting, confusing, emotional and toxic. Thank you so so much for taking the time to write. It's what I needed to hear. Even those who haven't moved on that's great, I want to be happy on my own. I don't ever want to have to rely on someone else again to make me happy. If I can build up my self confidence and belief then I know I can love myself so much I won't need anyone but choose someone. I am so blessed to have my LO. I think once we part ways and love separately too that even though we have LO we won't have much to do with each other so he can't be finding things so pick on me about