So me and my partner have been engaged for nearly 18 months and are due to be married in august this year, i have recently given birth to our first child after being informed by doctors 2 and a half years ago that my chances of ever having a baby were dangerously low. I love him more than i could ever imagen and have never even thought about looking at another man... As far as i knew, we were really happy! There were no issues with our sex life, we were expecting our miracle baby and have not long moved into our first home together! The problem im faced with is in the past i became aware of his frequent use of porn websites so upon finding this out, i made it clear to him i wasnt happy with it as it made me feel rejected, and not satisfying enough, and i couldnt understand why he would even want to set eyes on another woman because i wouldnt even think twice about looking at another man.... anyway, this lead to a huge argument and some harsh words which dropped my confidence hugely!, however in the end, he finally understood my point of view and agreed to stop! fine, happy wife to be.....
a few months later (June 2014) - baring in mind i was 3 months pregnant, i found out he had been on websites creating profiles in search of 'dirty chats and images' .... this hurt me deeply! so again, i confronted him which again lead to another argument....i tried to talk to him and ask him why this was continuing and he said he didnt like that i dont send dirty photos and messages regular enough.... therefore, i explained again how much i hated it, and that if i tried harder to please him he must stay away from them otherwise i would leave him. he accepted this and although i wasnt comfortable doing it, i started to make him videos and tried harder to please him in that way if thats what it was going to take to keep him off the sites .....
To my knowledge, this proved to work and the online stuff that i was so against, had stopped. BUT.... i was wrong!
Our daughter is now 6 weeks old, since she was born, we have booked our wedding and started making arrangements, and even though it took 3 weeks for my lady parts to start healing and feeling slightly normal again after childbirth, we 'got down to business' in that 3rd week after her birth and again the week later even though again i wasnt really comfortable with the idea, but i didnt want him going elsewhere!!....
Yesterday i was on his emails entering a competition - to win a family holiday! - and have come across some things that have made me feel torn apart! the week before our LO was born, he had reactivated the accounts that i got rid off a few months ago AND signed up to numerous new ones....Local fuck buck buddies, shag local, flt dating and many more....
he always uses the same password so i signed into these accounts following the links in the registration emails and i checked each one.... evrey one has his photo on, his DOB on, his phone number, and this is the part that torn me - states hes single with no children and looking for casual 1 on 1 sex with 18-30 yr olds within a 20 mile radius of his local area preferably with a body type that is 'big and lovely'...
My heart sunk and my blood started to boil! i started offloading him with texts as he was at work... he didnt deny it, in fact he admitted it and when i asked him why, he simply says its because im not filthy enough!
I dont quite understand what he means, our sex life is amazing, we always both enjoy it as far as i know... then hundreds of things flew through my head, is it my looks? does he not find me attractive anymore? is it because ive lost alot of weight, i mean he is after big and lovely and now im the opposite to that so could that be it? is he not interested in having a family anymore now that LO's a few weeks old and maybe the novelty has worn off?
Bottom line is, he knew the consequences of this and still went ahead and did it, but its obviously alot more serious this time as the intention to go with another woman is there now he's searching for local sex?, but my feelings obviously meant nothing to him because he simply said he was drunk when he did it but he would come get his things after work and would leave me, so again, im left confused?... has he already got another 'filthyer' woman on the side even though he denys anything has physically happened? i dont know...
we have spoken today and i think he wants to still be with me, and doesnt want to lose his loyal wife to be and newborn daughter over what he says is 'was a moment of stupidity' but what i would call his fetish? I may be wrong, but considering this has happened a few times before (not the looking for sex part but the search for really explicit talks and photos online) and the fact that he said he doesnt know why he does it, he just does, i would say maybe he has some kind of strange pornographic obsession? because if it wasnt an actual problem, then surely he wouldnt
jepordise his family for it right?
I love this man to bits, i want to marry him, i want to spend the rest of my life with him and i cant quite understand why this has happened, but now i feel torn between two nasty ends.... have i got to become someone im not in order to keep him away from them and for our relationship to continue? Is it an actual problem he has, and if so should i help him? Do you think acts like this will lead to cheating?
But putting this one issue aside, hes kind, caring, hes a great dad, he works hard, provides for me and my daughter, he makes us laugh, and pretty much everything a woman would actually want in a man! I dont know what to do, weather to call the wedding off, or to try give it a go and work around it for the sake of our daughter? I never had a dad around and it affected me negatively growing up, so i really wanted hers to be here daily... but although i love him more than i can try explain, i dont know if i can live with someone who is going to continue this type of behavouir? ITs broken the trust now, its lowered my self esteem, and is making me withdraw from wanting to even share a bed with him never mind have sex! Im so confused...
Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? If so what do you advise?
Thanks