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Relationships

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Original poster

Intense Chemistry: Survey Question

23 replies

BonfireoftheVanities · 18/02/2015 00:03

I've always believed that when you feel intense sexual chemisty - I mean that kind of "go week at the knees when they are even in the room" - that it is always reciprocated.

That a part of what makes it so intense is that recognition that the other person likes you as much too. So it grows and feed back upon itself.

Do you agree? Has anyone had intense "week at the knees" / wet between the legs on sight (I didn't say that)- chemistry with a man where it wasn't reciprocated?

I'm not talking about whether you get on/have a long term relationship/ even like each other - but whether pure raw high level chemistry is always reciprocated or can it ever be one way (just in your head)?

What is your own experience of that kind of crazy chemistry?

OP posts:

trackrBird · 18/02/2015 00:31

No, I don't agree
That's pure raw high level biology, and it's not always reciprocated :)

knightofswords · 18/02/2015 00:35

Yes, I agree with you. But it has no bearing whatsoever on what will actually happen.

Reese123 · 18/02/2015 07:27

It is not always reciprocated - some of us have to find this out the hard way.....lol

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/02/2015 09:46

If your theory was true, Sean Bean would be serving me my morning tea and biscuits..... Of course intense attraction isn't necessarily reciprocated. Crushes can come out of nowhere, be totally inappropriate and go totally unnoticed by the object of your desire. Thank goodness, or it could get messy.

You've not lived much, have you?

gatewalker · 18/02/2015 09:49

It has been reciprocal from my experience; and it doesn't connate a solid, loving relationship, nor does it last.

iklboo · 18/02/2015 09:51

Good grief, no. I've been punching way above my considerable weight in situations where I've had intense attractions that weren't reciprocated. Utter mutual attraction, slamming each other against walls while tearing clothes off might happen in fiction, but reality is much more of a bastard.

pocketsaviour · 18/02/2015 10:09

In my experience you can still get that chemistry but be the only one to feel it.

If the other person does feel it though, it's lots of fun

And cog I'm with you on the Bean, heh.

GaryShitpeas · 18/02/2015 10:16

This is what dh and I had at the start, I'd never known anything like it

It's calmed down now but we still have it seven years on

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 18/02/2015 10:22

I've only experienced it that intensely once, and this was after many casuals, several serious relationships and a long marriage. I'd been very physcially attracted to most of my previous lovers, but that attraction was nothing like this.
I was 40 and at that age and so many men before, it totally knocked me for six.

It was reciprocal, but a relationship between us was never going to work because we were so wrong together in every other way.

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 18/02/2015 10:28

There are two different things here.

One is where you have a huge crush on someone, they get you totally hot and bothered but nothing is coming back the other way.

The other is that amazing connection and sizzle and awareness that you get with someone when you are both feeling the same thing, really drawn to one another.

afghanda · 18/02/2015 10:45

I think the raw sexual chemistry is always reciprocated. It always has been in my case, anyway. I see it as a biological thing.

Having a whopping crush on someone is a different thing, and they're obviously not always reciprocated.

shovetheholly · 18/02/2015 10:53

I go weak at the knees at the sight of David Gandy. I'm pretty sure it's not reciprocated.

GaryShitpeas · 18/02/2015 11:08

Afghanda I deffo agree with your first paragraph

Dh and I think our chemistry has to do with how quick I fall pregnant got two dc together and have also had miscarriages, all happened in firsts month of trying or sometimes not trying at all

So could be an evolutionary thing, or people that are fertile together (even if they may not be with others) are naturally mega, mega attracted to each other

Twinklestein · 18/02/2015 11:11

There's different kinds of intense chemistry - there's raw biology - and then there's more of an emotional chemistry where you're powerfully drawn to someone but it's not just physical.

Raw biology does not have to be reciprocated in the slightest - I've had guys who felt they had strong chemistry with me & I felt nothing at all.

Emotional chemistry is more likely to be reciprocal as it tends to be based more on personality, interests, similarity, some kind of mutuality - but even there - there are plenty of cases of unreciprocated love and attraction.

GinSoakedBitchyPony · 18/02/2015 11:23

I also agree with Afghanda's first paragraph.

I think it's likely that biologically we were a great match, our genes were a good combination. So even though neither of us wanted DC together, biologically we were driven to make babies. Thank goodness for contraception

NoStrange · 18/02/2015 11:27

Not at all.

I've had that 'intense chemistry' feeling with a guy that didn't feel the same, and have been the object of another guy's intense feelings of attraction/ destiny when I really didnt feel the same way at all.

LuluJakey1 · 18/02/2015 12:18

It has happened to me and been a disaster. Most unhappy two years of my life.

But it happened again when I met DH - but we didn't throw ourselves into it because I was being cautious and he didn't want to mess it up. It took us over a month of dating to have sex. 6 years later, 5 years married and a 7 week old DS, it is still there - not all day every day but it's still there.

LuluJakey1 · 18/02/2015 12:22

There was also a guy at university who was obsessed with me- just totally obsessed, thought we were completely meant for each other. He was absolutely not anyone I would ever be attracted to - nice but just nothing. He went on like that for a year until I was quite scared.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/02/2015 13:42

There is no material difference between raw sexual chemistry and a whopping crush. It's exactly the same biological surge. What separates the two is often that one is reciprocated and the other isn't. Sometimes not even that.

abbykins3 · 18/02/2015 14:38

Being a bit cynical.

Regardless of whether it's reciprocated or not.
All things that fizz will eventually go flat.

I would be looking for something a bit more………...

CogitoErgoSometimes · 18/02/2015 14:45

That's very defeatist! I knew a couple who were married 60 years and it was clear from the way spoke about each other that, even in their eighties, the chemistry between them was very fizzy indeed.

It's a mistake to think that just because there is strong sexual attraction the relationship is destined to be shallow. It's an even bigger mistake so settle for something safe and boring thinking that makes it 'the real thing'.

GaryShitpeas · 18/02/2015 17:36

Agree with cog!

Ours won't fizzle out even if the list thing does fade cos we also really like eachother and are best friends as well as fancying eachother

Tbh It's not all good though as we are both quite jealous. Because we both think the other is amazingly sexy we think others will too

GaryShitpeas · 18/02/2015 17:36

*lust thing I meant. Sodding autocorrect

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