Are there some people who can't do relationships?

[dontcallnotdating]

I suspect I may be one such person. I feel, deep down, that I'm not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not thin enough. I'm too old now, I have three dc and I'm too much of a drama queen. I had two relationships fail last year and it confirms what I thought about myself deep down. The last guy was good looking and charismatic. I knew all alomg that he was too good for me.
Today I lay in bed a lot. Kids off for half term, so have fed and bathed them, done pancakes (shop bought) and let then watch TV. I meant to go out, but I felt so flat I couldn't muster the energy. I'm on anti ds, so don't feel sad - just numb and as if I'm not part of the world, not really. I'm just pretending.
I have stepped away from men and now I find I have zero interest in them anyway. Maybe some people aren't cut out for relationships? Maybe I'm one of them?

Yes I definitely can't do alcohol. I worry though, as it seems to be the thing to do - go for a drink on dates. I'd like to be able to drink moderately though, but I don't know if I can.

Do you drive? I have used that before as an "excuse" not to drink. Or just say "I have a really full schedule and an early start tomorrow, so I'm not drinking." Or arrange to meet in a coffee rather than a pub/restaurant.

If anyone gives you grief about it, then you don't want to date them anyway!

You may need some kind of professional help. Do you drink because it's there and then things go wrong? Do you drink because you feel insecure, tense or boring without alcohol?

I am now one such person. I always found relationships [in the end]stunting, difficult and stressful, and not suited to my personality.
On my own and happy to be so, I have freedom and independence, am my own person and am not being judged or under a microscope every day. Love it.

Me too. I've been single for nearly 9 years and I'm very happy. I found a single parent group and filled my life with new friends, days out and holidays.

I have been on the very occasional date but haven't met anyone that could make me life any better than it is already. DD1's friend told her last week that she's lucky I don't have boyfriends so that just reinforces that I don't want to upset the apple cart by adding a man to our well functioning lives.

At the moment I drink very little. Only the occasional glass at home. I enjoy alcohol and I think it's just that if I'm out and relaxed I can go overboard. Once I have one drink I can get a taste for it, so I'd rather avoid social situations centred around alcohol. At home or over a meal it isn't a. problem at all. I just don't want to get drunk and I don't always like my behaviour when I'm drunk.

I doubt I need professional help, I've had a bottle of wine in the house that lasted three weeks and I'm fine not drinking. There are just situations I'm avoiding, as alcohol can have a very negative effect when I'm already a bit sad. I over compensate and become very loud and gregarious. When I have one or two drinks I think I'm fine and I can carry on drinking, but past that point I can't always control it. I don't do anything awful - it's just on my last date, I went home with him and I would never have done that normally And he didn't contact me again, so I felt crap, even though I didn't like him that much.

So I'm a very very light drinker at the moment. I haven't had more than two drinks a week since the start of the year. But if I'm in a bar, with a date, can I stick to that? I'd like to think so, but I'm being very very protective of myself at the moment. I do drive - so that's an option.

My last ex probably was bad for me. He was a big drinker and unlike me, could handle it.

Thank you so much for all the v helpful responses too.

You may not need professional help with alcohol consumption in isolation, but perhaps you need to explore with someone why you lack confidence, self-assurance or whatever it is that means you end up binge drinking in an effort to relax.

I start CBT tomorrow and I've been having counselling since November so hopefully that will help.

How did your first session go, dont?