I feel so alone, I don't know where I fit in. Am I going to be depressed forever?

[pumpkinpie5]

I am on my own with my daughter since my partner left over two years ago. I feel those two years have passed in a blur and I have achieved nothing. There were issues in the relationship that since counselling I have really opened my eyes up to. For this reason I don't trust myself to make decisions and I can't see myself being with anyone else. I work full time and look after dd apart from weekends every other week she spends with her dad. I am not close to my family and feel I don't belong anywhere. It's just me and dd. I am still massively hurt by things that have happened, by her spending time with him and other woman and his family etc. I'm so stressed now that it is affecting my physical as well as mental health. I'm just so frustrated with myself, I feel that there is something wrong with me that I just can't move on and accept all that has happened. Other people come out stronger and find a better partner. I just feel like this is is for the rest of my life and I'm so miserable.

Apologies for the jumbled op. Trying to get my. Thoughts down without it being too long.

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. If your time is solely split between home and your child, that's going to feel very isolating. You don't mention any friends? Do you socialise at all? Are you involved with you community? You may not be ready to trust a new potential partner but maybe you'd feel more connected if you had interests and people to share them with.

I do have friends, but when I'm feeling down I tend not to want to see anyone so it's a vicious circle. I work full time and then have my dad so even if I wanted to go out, it's hard to, and I feel guilty that I should be spending that time with her. I'm just tired of keeping getting through each day - I'm just down on myself and have no purpose. I now have high blood pressure, headaches, etc caused by stress/anxiety. I need to lose weight as have put on weight from ad's and not shifted it. I don't know, I keep going for my dad but have no motivation.

*dd not dad.

OP, have you told your doctor that your ad is making you put on weight yet isn't helping with depression? You need to try other ones, have no experience myself bt have read enough about trial and error with the meds. Your dd is a great purpose in your life for now, imagine if you were completely alone and isolated. You are doing something useful and invaluable raising her. But yes, it would e good to try and go out at least once a week either fiends or a class, and exercise or yoga could be good for your mood.

*with friends

I also think you should talk to your doctor and see what they suggest about the high BP and your low moods. Have you ever been tested for diabetes, for example? Might exercise be beneficial? Understand that you feel your DD deserves more of your time but it should be a balance. She relies on you and therefore your wellbeing is a priority.

Thanks both.

I'm not on the ad's at moment but trying to be healthy and lose weight that I put on with them previously. Doctor has prescribed them for me again but I am reluctant to take them, they do help with my mood but I did put on weight and also they completely wiped me out and with working full time now I don't think I could cope. I will make another appointment with doc though. I'm just fed up with feeling like this, it's been so long now that I don't have any motivation any more.

OP please do see your doctor. If the ADs you had previously had unpleasant side effects, it may be worth trying a different type.

I know what you mean about isolating yourself when you feel low and not wanting to reach out for help. (In my case I have a fear of appearing vulnerable.) However this does tend to add to the depression by making you feel even more isolated.

Do you think it would help if you tried to make plans to go out with friends when you feel low - not so you can necessarily tell them about it, but just to get out of the house and a change of scenery?

I phoned to make appointment but surgery closed for training this pm so will call in morning. I'm tending to lose closeness to my friends as I make plans then cancel when I don't feel up to it. I'm sure they are all fed up with me.

I think you should really look after yourself, OP. Check your blood sugar levels and maybe see if you have a problem with your thyroids. And treat yourself. If you are happy, you will be a better mum, so do things that make you happy.

Maybe you could also do the freedom programme. I know you have already done therapy, but if you could learn about red flags in relationships, maybe you would feel armed to be able to try another one. There was no such thing as a freedom programme when I separated many years ago, so I also chickened out of getting back into the dating game.

Coyocan, that's for your message, I will get checked out with gp.

I do feel I will never be in a place to be in another relationship. I couldn't trust myself and given the abusive nature of my last one, I don't think I could be intimate with someone again. That scares me in itself, feel like I will be on my own forever -and evidently, i m not doing too well being on my own so far.
Is there hope? Are you in a better place now?

Oh pumpkinpie, I have been in a better place since I separated from that man. And you can be too. I've always felt that being alone was so much better than being with someone like him.

Oh then I don't think I'm there yet ?? I know I never want to be with him anymore-and it's taken me a long time to even accept that. But I thought once I'd accepted that I would be happy being free-i suppose I was for a while. But I'm not happy and I don't know what the future holds. I don't belong anywhere and I'm losing support systems not gaining them ??

Get those tests done, because it sounds like you very low on energy, and put a bit more effort into your support systems, they are an essential part of a good life.