Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Was I raped?

50 replies

DietFanta · 16/02/2015 20:56

When I was 14 I lost my virginity.

I was a bit of a tearaway and in with a bad crowd. On night a much older guy (in his mid 30's) and known drug dealer offered me a lift home. He gave me some weed in his car, then took me to his house and gave me ecstasy. I remember feeling really sick and needed to go to the bathroom. When I came out we had sex. I don't know how it happened, I was quite out of it. I don't remember saying 'no' but I didn't want to do it and would never have done it under any other circumstances.

I still feel quite confused about what happened. Was this rape?

OP posts:

ScotsWhaHae · 17/02/2015 09:35

I know

I'm not sure how these things work.

Original poster

DietFanta · 17/02/2015 11:32

Hopefully someone will come along who can enlighten us. It all seems such a grey area.

OP posts:

Notrevealingmyidentity · 17/02/2015 11:37

It might be worth reporting it even if he says it isn't true. I bet you weren't the only one.

It may help in a future case or there may be other people who have reported which could strengthen (sorry don't meant I don't believe you - I do.) your case.

If you feel you want to ofcourse.

ScotsWhaHae · 17/02/2015 11:42

Sorry diet I didn't mean to join in your thread with my own story.

Original poster

DietFanta · 17/02/2015 11:44

Thanks. I have done some googling and it does look like a pretty serious offence, I think it carries a minimum sentence of 5 years if convicted.

I might speak to a police liaison officer or something just to see where I would stand.

I know he has been to prison before. I don't think it was for rape, but it could have been. I know he used to be violent towards his wife but I don't know if charges were pressed.

OP posts:

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 17/02/2015 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

DietFanta · 19/02/2015 17:50

Hi all, just an update. I am going to the police tomorrow to discuss what happened and whether or not I want to take it further. My main concern is that he has/could do it to someone else.

OP posts:

ScotsWhaHae · 19/02/2015 18:17

Well done

Vivacia · 19/02/2015 18:22

Well done Diet, hope tomorrow goes as well as it can. Will you have support?

TracyBarlow · 19/02/2015 19:09

I think you are doing the right thing. I think you probably need to prepare yourself for them not to prosecute because, as you already understand, it is your word against his. That is not a judgement by the police on you or the veracity of your testimony, but I'm sure you know that and are realistic.

However, if he has done this to others then your testimony may be absolutely vital. At the very least, if they pull him in for questioning then at least he will be terrified for a whole that he is going to end up in prison.

Good luck OP.

TracyBarlow · 19/02/2015 19:09

*while

KarmaNoMore · 19/02/2015 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PacificDogwood · 19/02/2015 23:09

Good luck tomorrow, DietCoke - you are doing a brave and courageous thing

I hope somebody can go with you?

Don't expect more than them taking a statement and then talking to him.
It may never go any further , but it does mean that if he ever did anything remotely similar again, there'd be evidence of a precedent and it would be much harder for him to get away with saying 'nope, wasn't me, didn't do it'.

I agree with everybody who is saying, only do what you feel you can and what may be cathartic for you.

Original poster

DietFanta · 20/02/2015 20:28

It went very well. The female police officer was supportive and professional, but I could tell she was getting pretty angry at the guy when I went into the details of what happened.

My report has been forwarded to CID and they will call me tomorrow. She was keen for me to press charges, but said CID would be better informed to advise on the whole case.

She said I could give evidence via video link.

I'll keep you all informed, just in case their is anyone else who has been in a similar situation and may find this thread helpful. Always try to turn a negative into a positive!

OP posts:

Original poster

DietFanta · 20/02/2015 20:31

I don't know if anyone might find this useful?

OP posts:

Original poster

DietFanta · 20/02/2015 20:31

oops, hang on

OP posts:

Original poster

DietFanta · 20/02/2015 20:32

This!

OP posts:

Original poster

DietFanta · 20/02/2015 20:34

Just to add there didn't seem to be any doubts in her mind that it could go to court.

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 20/02/2015 21:26

I am glad it went well and you felt you'd been heard

You sound v resilient and resourceful - v best of luck going forward.

HouseWhereNobodyLives · 20/02/2015 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScotsWhaHae · 21/02/2015 07:34

Hi duet. You are so brave. How do you feel about it all now that you have spoken to the police?

Original poster

DietFanta · 21/02/2015 09:50

I feel better for it Scots. I'd always felt it was just a very unpleasant experience and partially my fault for putting myself in such a vulnerable position.

I'm now starting to feel that what he did was very wrong, regardless if what position I put myself in.

OP posts:

Original poster

DietFanta · 21/02/2015 19:00

CID called this morning and were really helpful.

They strongly encouraged me to do a video interview and have said the case will very likely go to court if that's how I want to proceed...

He said a lot of cases like this only come to light years later.

OP posts:

feministwithtitsin · 21/02/2015 19:36

Well done! He is a paedophile he is a risk to children.

Whatever position vulnerable children put themselves in there is no excuse for an adult to take advantage, sexual or otherwise. You needed protection, not to be raped.

AWholeLottaNosy · 21/02/2015 21:11

Diet, well done to you for having the courage to go to the police and I'm so glad they were supportive of you. It's encouraging that they think you may get a conviction and remember we are here to support you whatever the outcome.

Flip

1 2