Daughter tells me things I would rather not know...

[toomuchinformationformum]

Name shiftily changed for this one - not sure if it should be in AIBU, but here goes...

DD, 20. We've always had a very open and frank relationship and I have tried hard to never make her feel ashamed of sexual matters. However, unless she wants advice, I don't want to casually hear details, and recently she has been talking about her sex life on Facebook of all places, which can not only be seen by me, but also her grandma and great grandma! Including comments about being interested in BDSM during discussions about a certain well-known recent film release.

She doesn't live at home anymore but we see each other a lot and talk most days. I'm certainly no prude and have plenty of detailed knowledge of all these things, but I really don't want to hear about what my daughter gets up to on that front.

Is this weird? Am I being unreasonable? Should I mention it or resolutely say nothing?

I don't think YABU, I think I feel the same as you. I'm happy to discuss sex with my DC but there are things that should remain private between couples & not made public knowledge.

Maybe just have a little word to her about what she shares on facebook. I know she's an adult but some people do have the tendency to over share on social media & it doesn't always give a good impression if you are willing to share intimate details about your life in public. Or you could ask her to change her settings so that you & her other relatives can't see specific posts that you wouldn't want to see. I know you can edit them so that you only share with specific people as I have done it with my family (when trying to hide all the boozy, hideous teenage pics!)

Also have you considered "hiding" her page? Then these things won't pop up on your home page & if you wish to see her page you can click on it from your friends list. I've done this with many friends who tend to over share as it gets annoying just having my news feed filled up with them!

Unfortunately many people over share on FB but I guess it's a personal choice. Some people like to let it all hang out. YANBU to feel a bit icky about it. I would hate to hear about my Mum's sexual predilections on FB - or indeed any of my friends. Perhaps make a light hearted comment on a post, then click the 'hide all posts' button so you don't see any more.

Do you think it is an attention seeking thing on your daughter's part? are you concerned about her? is the BDSM activity concerning? (it can be practiced very safely and sensibly)

HA! What a brilliantly modern problem. It's good that you and your daughter are so close, and I'd be very wary of doing anything that might damage that.

I assume she's saying these things on FB in front of everyone, so you can't exactly censor her! I'd turn it into a joke - post something like 'I'm sure your grandma really wanted to know that :)'

Ha! It is indeed a 21st century problem. Nah, the BDSM doesn't bother me - been there, done that! I haven't told her, though, and would prefer not to know about her doing it :)

I was thinking of simply unfollowing, yes. Oh dear :)

I follow a strict 'no family on Facebook' rule. It works for me.

Next time she mentions something sexual, post an "ooh, I remember the time your father did (something embarrassingly explicit) to me" and see how she feels when the oversharing is from you, even better get her gran and great gran in on it and get them to "reminisce" too

Has she got her Facebook buttoned up tight? If not, does she realize that current and future employers and colleagues might see some of what she has up? (That might be a way to get into conversation with her on the topic.)

Urgh - I wouldn't want to know either!
I don't have MIL on facebook, even though she is, because I don't particularly want her to see everything I think or get up to either. Not quite in the same league as your DD though!

I don't know why people feel the need to post that sort of thing on facebook. I think you should mention it to her as a previous poster suggested, within the context of who else can see her posts like employers, colleagues etc. Suggest she's a bit more selective in her sharing

I think just tell her, maybe even have a chuckle about it ... it's fine for her to post everything on FB (maybe a bit unwise but hey) but anyone would be able to understand their mum feeling a bit funny about seeing that stuff! :)

My SIL does this to MIL, it makes me cringe. Can't imagine why anyone would want their mother knowing details about their sex life. Or any mother wanting to know! I'd definitely unfollow on Facebook. And gently remind her that prospective employers often check Facebook before giving job offers.