Told him I don't fancy him anymore. Where do I go from here?

[littlehousewifey]

Some of you may remember my previous post about issues with my husband and feeling like I was the hired help rather than his wife.

He has worked on that and things are a bit more equal now, financially, childcare and housework wise.

However I just don't fancy him anymor. He kept asking me and I skirted around the issue, but have finally told him. I also told him tthat, although I love him, I don't love him as passionately as I used to (more like a friend now).

He is hurt, but wants to work at it. I just have no idea what to do no. I'm hurting because I am hurting him, but I don't want to drag it out and hurt him further. I also don't want to be too hasty in case I regret my decision.

So where do I go from here? Trail separation? And if so, anyone who has been there, how did you do it, and did it work out?

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I personally think this is the beginning of the end, and so would think that a trial separation is the way to go. You never know, living apart might rekindle feelings within you; or it may make you realise it's what you need.

Never been through it in my relationships, but have seen it happen with my parents. Unfortunately, the spark never came back and in hindsight letting go would have been best for them as the longer it went on, the more damage was done.

Good luck x

You can't lob an emotional hand grenade like 'I don't fancy you' into the relationship and not have a plan of what happens next. Is there any way back as far as you're concerned? Is there any point him even trying? If not, be honest and bring things to a swift finish. Anything else would be cruel

You are married. You made vows. For better for worse... Etc . How would you feel with shoe on other foot ? If he told you he loved you but didn't 'fancy' you. ? Bail out by all means if that's what you feel it's what it's all about, but if I were you I would be looking for counselling.

Marriage vows do not mean that people have to endure being miserable!!!! If it's not working it's kinder for all concerned to call it a day than to carry on and ruin lives.

No of course , marriage vows mean you can opt out when the going gets tough ! It's in the small print, didn't you read ? But on a less sarcastic note, op , how long has this being going on ? It is relevant, because you say he has made an effort to make changes, yet it appears, no matter what he doesn't, you want out and are looking for a reason. If that is the bottom line, then the best way forward is to just admit it there is actually no nice way to tell your spouse you no longer love them and want out. You just have to do it and accept you will be the bad guy.

She's not going to be the "bad guy", kittens, for ending a relationship that isn't working. Your attitude is very judgemental. Do you really think her husband should be condemned to a sexless marriage for the rest of his life?!

Sounds to me like "too little, too late" You don't trust the new him, after such a long time of ill treatment, and maybe he is really trying to "Hoover" you in? I'd be wary, myself.

Kittens - the 1950s are calling....

I don't think there's any going back from this.
I think separation is a good idea. Neither of you have much to enjoy in this scenario and both entitled to an active sexual relationship.

Both you and your DH initiating some affection and non-sexual intimacy would help to re-discover your sexual feelings of 'fancying' him.

I don't see this in itself as a reason to separate.

it sounds like you're done. I say that with no judgment.

Oh no, if you still love him as a friend I say start dating again and you may see the fanciable side of him you did initially.