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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Don't know what to do, do I contact her?

11 replies

fuckmeblindiknowthatcat · 15/02/2015 15:39

Sorry, this is a really strange story. Many years ago I worked as a learning mentor in a primary school - I often look up the former pupils on FB and it gives me comfort knowing they are doing well.

Last week I found out (through fb) one of the girls I used to mentor committed suicide 18 months ago. She was only 22. She killed herself to escape a violent partner I'm gutted, saddened and shocked by this - I only knew her as a beautiful 10 year old girl.

Her older sister (who I never knew) has posted a lot on fb about her death (and life). I want to message her but don't know if it's appropriate. Will she be comforted by a message from a stranger or think it's weird?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/02/2015 15:41

If you knew her sister as a little girl and remembered her with affection, I'm sure she would like a message of condolence.

oceanrose · 15/02/2015 15:42

What a terrible thing to discover. I'm sorry. Personally, I think I would contact her. There is nothing weird about sharing happy memories of a loved one who has died. She would most likely be comforted to know that her sister had teachers/mentors who cared about her and remember her fondly.

aeon456 · 15/02/2015 15:42

If you explain how you knew her sister I think she'd be ok with it.

FolkGirl · 15/02/2015 15:55

I'm not sire. I think it's a little inappropriate to be looking them up on fb in the first place.

I'd feel very uncomfortable doing that. In fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so.

So I don't know.

Joysmum · 15/02/2015 15:56

When you've lost someone, it's lovely to know they are remembered fondly by others

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/02/2015 16:00

@Folkgirl.... what if the OP had chanced across an online article mentioning the death? Or a death announcement in the newspaper? Facebook is just a kind of newspaper really

TeddyDreadful · 15/02/2015 16:01

You could have heard about it from any source, so I don't think it would look odd if you message her sister with a brief word of condolence.

It's not really appropriate for you to be 'often' looking up your former pupils on FB to check on them, though.

Original poster

fuckmeblindiknowthatcat · 15/02/2015 16:13

Thanks for the replies. I'm really haunted by this girl's death and can't stop thinking about her.

Oceanrose thank you, I will contact the sister.

OP posts:

beautyfades · 15/02/2015 17:53

I would like it if someone contacted me as I'm sure you will have memories maybe stories of the girl who passed away.

RaisingMen · 15/02/2015 19:19

Contact her. I speak as someone who lost a younger sibling in awful circumstances x

Original poster

fuckmeblindiknowthatcat · 15/02/2015 19:55

Cogito - I actually learned of her death via an online article about domestic violence.

Teddy why is it not appropriate to look up former pupils on FB? I worked very closely with these children for four years and cared massively about them - of course I'm going to be interested in how their lives turned out.

OP posts:

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