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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

STBXH ignoring divorce court papers

12 replies

Donatello68 · 15/02/2015 08:48

Decided to end marriage from EA husband. My solicitor sent STBXH a letter saying that I am divorcing him on Weds. The letter was left on the side when I got in but, looked like the envelope had been opened & sealed again. Court papers arrived Friday - again on side and opened & resealed. He won't take about it and is carrying on as if all is well. He has a promotion coming up in Aug that he needs to complete a course for. He said that 'as long as there are no dramas between now and then, he will be fine'. Wtf???

OP posts:

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 15/02/2015 08:54

Keep calm and carry on? The court assumes that correspondence delivered correctly has been read by the addressee.

darkness · 15/02/2015 10:55

Stage one of grief..denial
Stage 2.anger
Get ready to duck

Mylifepart2 · 15/02/2015 11:50

The ball is in his court - but he has to comply with any legal requirements to respond with a time frame set by the system - not up to him to ignore or stall - or you to push - step away and let the system take over.

Well done just - KoKo - be strong and focused. You have done the hard part. This will have a momentum of its own now.

SolidGoldBrass · 15/02/2015 15:04

Go on with your plans while ignoring him as much as possible. The law applies to him whether he likes it or not and you don't need his permission or his co-operation to divorce him. He's ostentatiously stalling in the hope of upsetting you so don't rise to it.

Original poster

Donatello68 · 15/02/2015 22:58

Thanks everyone. It is so frustrating after years of EA, it took me years to pluck up the courage to finally divorce him and now he ignores the divorce papers. He has now got the DC to invite their friends over all over the half term so, I can't speak to him about it. Ahhhhh.....

OP posts:

PoppyField · 15/02/2015 23:11

Well done OP. Sounds like you are doing the right thing.

But why do you need to speak to him about it? Surely that just hands him all the power by not co-operating with your need to talk? Why should you want to go over it with him?d

Sending someone divorce papers is emphatic enough. He can ignore all he likes, it doesn't change anything.

The time for talking is over. Allow the legal documents do all the 'talking', and then get on with looking after yourself.

Original poster

Donatello68 · 15/02/2015 23:36

Thanks Poppyfield - you are right!! I am divorcing him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. I suppose that I shouldn't expect anything different.

OP posts:

Deckthehallswithdesperation · 16/02/2015 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Donatello68 · 16/02/2015 07:18

Don't worry Deckthehalls, according to my solicitor, if they don't respond within 21 days, the petition goes ahead anyway. It just goes against them on the unreasonable behaviour front. I just wish that my STBXH would accept it and we can move on.

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 16/02/2015 07:46

It's not really in character for him to accept it and let you move on though, is it? Making life easier for you is not exactly in his usual mode of operation. It would be astonishing if he rolled over and gave up being awkward at this point. Try to look on it as positive proof that you really have to go through with this and he isn't going to change and get nice at the last minute (if he does, he's faking it).

GoatsDoRoam · 16/02/2015 09:01

What everybody else said: he's EA so wouldn't give his cooperation anyway, no need to expect it now. He will be as obstructive as he can be throughout this process: expect it, don't let it rile you.

You don't need his cooperation, now that the legal system has taken over. It's a wonderful thing, the legal system, in this instance: no emotions, just facts, and action. Let it take its course, and ignore his antics.

Original poster

Donatello68 · 16/02/2015 09:43

Thanks Annie and Goats. I feel that this is going to be an incredibly long process. My solicitor wrote to him suggesting that he instruct a solicitor and as we wanted an amicable split, could he let her know whether he wanted to go to mediation and that she would make an appointment for us to start the process. She even said that if he wasn't obstructive, we wouldn't claim half the costs. So, it looks like a 'no' to mediation and I get half my costs back... always a silver lining!!

OP posts:

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