feel sort of empty

[dontcallnotdating]

I made the decision to be happily single and work on loving myself. It worked for a while, but now I'm feeling empty and monotonous. I am avoiding alcohol, due to its depressant effect and so I'm also shirking social occasions too. I'm avoiding dating as I'm scared to be hurt and don't know if I'll ever want to again.

I've been having counselling and am taking sertraline. It's been helping loads and I've made progress. I'm enjoying my dc again.

But I feel empty and flat. Not sad. I don't want to cry. It's just a bit beige. I don't know if this is a natural phase. I don't know. Part of me wants to value myself and work on that. Part of me doesn't know if I'm worthy of love. Part of me never ever wants to be judged by anyone again and I'm hiding where I feel safe. But it's lonely here.

That probably made no sense and I'm not sure what the question is.

I was dumped this time last year and I'm not acutely sad like I was then. It's more a safe blandness and I wonder if this is it then.

Life is empty and flat if you avoid being sociable, unfortunately. What do you do with yourself? Sit home all night watching TV? If you've quit drinking, fantastic. There are plenty of things you can do to be sociable that don't involve alcohol and I really think you'd benefit from making an effort to find them. My 'thing' is music and I get together with a group of people once a week to make noise. Can't tell you what a life saver that has been in the past.

Dontcallnotdating just wanted to say I totally empathise. I broke up with my ex last March. And although I'm now over him I still have a yearning or empty feeling. I lost my dad a few years ago so I think some of my feelings are wrapped up with him not being here too.

I'm trying lots of new things. Joined junior chamber international as it was recommended on here and sounded up my street. And going to a local meet up group tomorrow. There are meet up groups for pretty much every hobby you can think of.

It could be the AD making you fell a bit flat.

You have to get out there or you're making a prison for yourself. Yy its frightening but you have to risk it and trust you're developing the skills to cope should things not go as you'd like.

I do sympathise - I'm sure many people do tbh (your OP was crystal clear btw). If you're not relating then all you're left with is theory - and we are not made to live on theory.

Be brave, get out there. You don't have to go the whole hog if you're not up to it (though do work towards the whole hog..) eg volunteer on a project of some kind so that you're relating around a common aim but not too intimately.

I work fairly long hours so I tend to just watch TV and play on mumsnet. I haven't much enjoyed the groups I've been to in the past. I feel a bit let down by people.

As someone up thread has said it's fairly common for AD to make you numb emotionally.

I also think distancing yourself socially is a side affect of being depressed. Given time the counselling and medication should help with this. I think that possibly you are in a process that will time, take a day at a time.

I've been having weekly counselling since November and taking anti ds for the same length of time. I start CBT next week. I would have thought I'd have seen more improvement by now, but I'm probably just impatient.

ADs are lovely in that they flatten out the lows, but they can also flatten out the highs.

I certainly understand if you don't feel ready to dip a toe in the dating pool again, and I don't think you should push yourself before you're ready. But you also said you're shirking social occasions. Is that because you're anxious? Or just not bothered? Maybe you could give yourself a goal of accepting one social invite a month/fortnight/week - whatever you feel would push you a little bit, but not enough to freak you out.

Is it worth taking anti ds to just feel nothing? Though at least I don't cry anymore and I'm a much better mother. I do have more energy too. But I feel nothing and feel like I can't trust people. I want to save money too, so going out feels like a waste of money. I feel like I'm acting in social situations. I've gone from being a gregarious drunk (with crushing depressing hangovers and guilt) to a quieter type who rarely drinks or goes out.

ADs these days should not make you feel flat. It might be worth going back to the GP and trying another one. Sometimes it takes a while to match med with physiology.

Then you'll hopefully feel up to being a bit more social.