if you dont 'fancy' someone can you change your mind?

[lianamay86]

This question was put to me recently by a younger (25yr old) female friend. She was distraught as she had apparently drunkenly confessed her feelings to her 'crush' (nothing too major, just said she liked him I think) and told me he had said he wasn't interested and didn't fancy her (those were his exact words, according to her).

She asked if I thought there was a chance he might change his mind in future, apparently he said the banter/flirting thing they have going on wont change and she said that she isn't going to pester or try and be overly obvious, but continue the flirty banter and he might eventually see another 'fanciable' side to her.

I'm not convinced that could ever happen and told her as much,but when I relayed this to another friend of ours, this mutual friend said she disagreed with me. The mutual friend is of the opinion that maybe our friend hadn't been on this guys radar, until she said she fancied him and then his instant reaction was "I don't fancy you". She reckons that as they get closer, it could change and he might start to like her in 'that' way.

What do you all think?

My other half was a slow grower on me after going out with a few beautiful men, but within a year I thought he was irrestistable! Now 7 years later I get more attracted to him. I think there is some truth to what a PP said about men being attracted at first sight though.. and they then put all the effort in based on that, which makes him more attractive to the woman. I'm sure there are exceptions though!

because sadly and depressingly men don't go for personality.

I assume you're being sarcastic here?

I think it would be better for your friend to distance herself and assume he won't change his mind. I've been in that situation a couple of times and they never did. It sounds like the chap in question probably enjoys knowing she likes him. If he does all the stuff you say, and says he'll carry on then it sounds like a bit of an ego trip for him.

Ressy - and you have spoken to every single man on the planet to know that men don't go for personality, have you? Or is this just based on guys that you like not happening to feel the same about you?

Because it's NOT all about looks. Why do you get people who chat for months on end on internet chat rooms - and in the earlier days of the internet and before camera phones, often without exchanging pics - but falling for them? And sometimes meeting up and then having relationships?

I have known people who have known each other for years just as friends all of a sudden falling for each other, with neither having fancied the other in all that time. Something just happened. So, yes, I think on BOTH sides, even US MEN can fancy someone later that they didn't fancy before.

Oh, and you can, of course, fancy someone like mad but at the same time know that a relationship would not work with that person.

DrSethHazlittMD, whoah, I'm glad to know that men can sometimes grow in to fancying somebody based on her personality when they weren't attracted to her when they first met her. I would really like to believe that that's true.

And yes, my posts (and my experiences) are based on my own experiences, as is the case for most people.

Trills I didn't say that personality doesn't matter to a man, I mean that it isn't quite so wrapped up in physical attraction as it is for a woman.