When you can't agree where to live.

[pleasemiss84]

DH and I were still in the heady early days of our relationship when we were 'surprised' by DD1. DD2 followed fairly quickly and we are generally very happy. With one massive exception. We never spoke about where we would be raising our family, DH is a city boy, never lived out with a half mile radius in fact. I on the other hand grew up in the country. We currently stay in a city and I'm miserable here. Far from my friends and family and can't see ANY greenery. I brought this up recently as we will be thinking about nurseries/schools etc soon. My suggestion was that we move half way between his family and mine. Which would actually be closer to his work. It's a big town but we could afford a house with a garden. I honestly thought it was the perfect solution. He dismissed it and now refuses to even discuss the idea of moving as he's happy here. Anyone been in a similar situation and managed to resolve it? Thanks for reading- didn't mean it to be so long!

How do you normally resolve other differences of opinion? Are you able to discuss and reach compromise or do you tend to just do what he wants for a quiet life?

We're normally really good at compromise which is why I was so shocked at his response.

Difficult. Firstly it may have been a total shock to him to hear that you are unhappy living where you are. He made need time to process that before he can open discussions.
I have been on 'his side' recently as my DH wants to move away from a house I am very happy I and where all our DC were born and I do not. When he started mentioning it felt quite hurt as it felt like he was unhappy with me as well as the house - not rational but maybe there is an element of this here.
I processed for a few months and realised that within parameters I would be willing to move if we found the right place. It will still be a wrench for me tho.
maybe he just needs some time?

Thank you Happy that sounds like exactly the kind of thing he would think and explains his reaction. I realise I need to give him time to think through what I've said but it's so difficult not to keep bringing it up. I think it would be a massive wrench for him too so I'm willing to talk about other options but like you say, it may take some time before he's ready to talk about options. I hope you and your DH come to an agreement too.

Yes I would park it for now if that is possible... The constant drip feed from my DH the subtle 'oo look at this house in x ' was really quite corrosive although he didn't know it. It came to a head one weekend when I actually agreed to look at some houses against my better judgement and broke down later and told him everything. He backed off. I then came round!

It's great to see it from 'his' perspective. Thanks so much Happy, I'll do my best to drop it and let the idea settle before we can hopefully talk it through more rationally!

If you can afford it, have you considered renting a house in the country for a trial period where you could go for weekends?

Even if you can't afford it alone, it maybe worth exploring sharing the cost with another one or two couples and having a rota of weekends for individual use?

at the least it may give you your greenery fix!

Self those are brilliant ideas. I'll definitely suggest them when we discuss it again.
Thanks all.

What a nice thread!
Helpful posters sharing relevant experience+ideas=happy OP
I thought it was going to be intercontinental like a Canadian/Aussie couple I know each with aged parents...