Valentines Card from Colleague - help!

[Neenypeep]

I'm 41, divorced, but in a relationship for the last 2 years. I'm not sure how to deal with this. I received an anonymous valentine's card this morning (I promise I'm over 18!) inside was a quote from Shakespeare beginning "I know that I love in vain..."

Thing is I recognised the handwriting. And I don't think he made any effort to disguise it. It's from a colleague, a man who started work with us about a year ago. We work very closely and get on like a house on fire in fact I'd say we're friends. We've socialised together and he's been to my house for dinner (always in a group situation and with my partner present) I'm very fond of him but don't fancy him in the slightest. He's 20 years older than me for a start. I really can't face things being awkward with him, I work with him daily, he's slightly senior to me (not a direct boss but would have an influence on my career) and I really like working with him.

This is complicated by the fact that my current partner is also a colleague (yes, clearly I should get out more but I'm a single parent). He knows this man well and they get on. My partner doesn't work closely with either of us though.

So I don't know whether I should just ignore it or should I tackle this before it escalates any further. Also I don't know whether to tell my partner. Normally I believe in full disclosure (in fact I insist on it as my marriage ended in a hail of infidelity and deceit on ExH's part) but this could make it awkward for him at work as well.

Sigh, apart from anything else I know this is completely inappropriate behaviour on this man's part both personally and professionally and I'm pretty angry with him.

Help!

Sorry, double-posted and can't figure out how to delete...

Completely ignore it and carry on as before. Especially as he could have influence over your career. As he hasn't signed it, it will be OK. If he asks if you had any cards, say you have several and leave it at that.

yeah i would ignore too.

if you showed your dp, would he recognise his writing?

Does your partner know that you had the card?

I would go for full disclosure and say, "Whose handwriting does that look like to you?" and see what he says. All you'd be admitting to is that it looks like your colleague's writing.

In your partner's position, I would want to know your suspicions, wouldn't you?

I'd say don't make assumptions.

• definitely tell your partner. It may be from him. When I was younger I did that as a test - set up a valentine's card to my then BF to see if he'd tell me about it and in what terms ("it must be from the hot 21 year old with the fake tits" or " no idea who this is from I love only you")

• even if it is from this guy, it may not be a card "with intent"; it could be for other reasons - he may think you are looking a bit down and could do with a boost for example.

• also don't rule out - it could be mischief making from within your team - someone trying to fake his writing to cause a bit of internal trouble.

Oh - and the main thing in that situation (excluding your partner) is DO NOT mention the card to anyone.

It's a tried and tested technique for wheedling out the culprit. People who've done that can't resist prodding or asking about it, even if via an intermediary.

Absolute silence will bring out the perpetrator.

Is the suspect married? (Sorry, don't know what else to call him!)

Yeah, I also agree that you don't want to breathe a word to anyone except your partner. Not even your closest friend who works in another department.

You do need to gloss over it. I think it is part of professional life being able to handle crushes - yours and other peoples. The main thing is, never do or say anything that will be remembered after the crush blows over.

Btw, congrats on having an admirer!