Reason to be suspicious or just paranoid?

[Rinkydinkypink]

Something is making me wonder about DH. He's not behaving like he normally would. Is this just mid life crisis or is it more? He's 42

He says he hates his job, yet he works late a few times a week, goes in early and seems very stressed all the time.

He's bought a lot of new clothes.

He's lost weight recently and does more exercise.

He's arranged more nights out for us and is being very enthusiastic about spending time together.

He's talking about changing our cars to ones he'd never normally consider.

He's obsessed with the dc. He's craving quality time with them.

He's putting more quality time in at home, helping more.

Im suspicious, his FB is never used. I can't get on his phone as don't know the password. He's on it a lot more but he leaves it lying about. Messages don't come up on home screen of his phone.

I've asked him time and time again if everything is ok and he keeps saying yes he just wants to move jobs.

Um...so he's being a better, more involved husband and father, and you're suspicious? Poor fella! If he hates his job maybe it's because it's stressful and they work him too hard and therefore he feels the need to go in earlier to get more done? Maybe he's lost weight because er...he wanted to, and maybe he's more enthusiastic about his kids and cars because he feels better about himself? I think you need more solid evidence before you start suspecting extra-marital stuff...

Why is he working longer hours if he hates it? Wouldn't he just be glad to leave work on time?

When he's on his phone, what's he doing? Is he sending messages? What would he do if you sat down next to him while he was on his phone?

I would think (in your place) that he was either having a midlife crisis or he was having an affair. All of the things he's doing sounds to me as though it's an affair, except the fact he's being nicer to you. Often contempt or arguments will go alongside the weight change, the clothes etc if there's an affair.

I'm not sure what he's doing and he never does it in front of me. He either walks away or turns his phone away from me.

Yes he is being more involved but i can't help wonder if its lead by a guilty conscience.

Something isn't right with him.

The thing is that an affair, or an interest in someone else, can give someone a huge burst of energy, so they are nicer to be around, generally happier and more interesting. It's not usually a permanent feature of an affair, but it is common at the start.

Has all this resulted in a recharged sex life?

Often, in order to justify a sexual relationship outside the marriage, the person having an affair will stop having sex with his/her partner and think that that is the reason why sex elsewhere is OK, if that makes sense.

We haven't had sex much over the last year. We dtd about a week ago and it was amazing. Far better than normal! This has also made me suspicious.

I might just be going mad!

Imperial some people don't have a choice. My DH works longer hours when he is most stressed with work as it means there is something big that needs dealing with/managing. These are the times he's most likely to hate his job. Unfortunately as a senior manager his contract states that he must work 'the hours required to perform his role'.

Yes, I know that stressful jobs can lead to working long hours, but I'd got the impression from the OP that his longer hours were new. I've just re-read it - OP, has he always worked longer than usual hours?

He has worked long hours but not in the same way. He just doesn't seem to leave and when I ask him how work is going he says it's just ticking along. Erm ticking along does not mean 12 hours a day. He can't seem to explain this further.

Do you have someone to mind the children? I'd be tempted to park at his workplace and see who he came out with.

It's to far away for me to stalk him ;) We're going away tomorrow for half term so I'm going to watch him further.

Leave your phone at home one day and ask whether you can borrow his.

That does sound a bit off then rinky. Ticking along doesn't really equate to high stress/long hours.

Not sure it's fair for other poster to suggest he's having an affair!
Does he get paid more for the extra hours he does or is it within his contract?
He might dislike his job, but maybe he's just wanting to earn extra money regardless of this.

No extras he's salaried.

Is there a change in his body language?

Why would it arouse suspicion him not being on fb? Wouldn't it be the opposite?

Not sure what you mean. He's being very attentive. We went out this week for drinks and he really put effort into spending time with me.

I should be very pleased but it's not normal!

I think the op meant he's not on facebook, so she can't check that for evidence?