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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Who/What was the worst reaction when you told F&F you were separating?

10 replies

Somethingtodo · 13/02/2015 11:52

My oldest school friend went into a meltdown about how I was crazy to separate, that my STBXH and I were both emotionally flawed from difficult backgrounds and needed each other and that this would be a nuclear bomb for my children. Went on to say that she was off on holiday that day - so I must wait a week before I did anything until she got back.....(this was all on email) - I also shared my MN thread which was over 2 years - and she said why was I engaging with thick housewives and not my F&F!!!

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 13/02/2015 11:54

Thick housewives? Nice. Are you sure she's a friend?

"But we got him Lynx for Christmas" - DM

GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 13/02/2015 11:56

Our parents met one another

brittanyfairies · 13/02/2015 11:57

Oh wow, that was really something, is she possibly soon to be an ex friend?

I have to say that my F&F while initially were shocked have been absolutely nothing but supportive of me. In fact it made me realise just how blessed I am to have them. I think the whole process would have been much more difficult if it hadn't been for them. Every day I count my blessings for my brilliant friends.

GuiltyAsAGirlCanBe · 13/02/2015 12:05

Oops - posted too soon.

Our parents met for crisis talks to "clear the air" (why? They hadn't fallen out!) and I had my mum telling me his mum was worried she would see less of dd - the only person who would cause that is her, she hardly offers to have her often and often declines to have her when I am occasionally stuck for childcare.

It seems our parents were far more upset about it than we actually were - it has been very amicable so far.

We also had "well won't you think about dd?!" As though we had not given that a thought at all when making our decision to split. Hmm

Organising Xmas was a big drama, when in fact we pretty much did what we did every year, dd spent half the day at his parents, half the day at mine, except we didn't go together as a couple.

I did point out to my mum that she was actually making it far harder than it needed to be and she threw a bit hissy fit and made it all about her, you would have thought it was her going through a break-up, not me. I don't feel I really have any emotional support from anyone, there is very much a "you made your bed now lie in it" attitude.

Friends have been very good about it - though I am quite a private person and have not announced it to everyone yet.

Somethingtodo · 13/02/2015 12:11

Not spoken to her since.

Her other piece of sage advice was that the person I really needed right now to resolve all the issues in my marriage was my NPD sister with whom I have been NC with for 5 years.

When I went NC, my sister tried to burrow in with all of my close friends - she succeeded with this one - and they started to meet regularly......my friend then would spend every meeting I had with her talking about my NC sister and our issues - getting zero response from me -- until I had to say I v v bluntly I will not listen to, or discuss anything about, NC sister - which, over time, after a few knuckle wraps, she complied with.......but seems the separation announcement through her off balance and she put on her flying monkey wings.

"But we got him Lynx for Christmas" pmsl - how did you respond to that -- "Obviously you didn't like him either"

Guilty - what the parents conclude??!!!

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 13/02/2015 12:13

My F&F were fantastic.
A great support to me and my DD.
I don't know how I'd have got through it without them.

yougotafriend · 13/02/2015 12:30

I have to say all of my friends and family have been brilliant. when i first told my Mum she spent 10 mins trying to change my mind but I think that's just generational conditioning - once she realised this was it she has been fabulous.

Everyone tells me how "brave" I've been and I do wonder if the difference between bravery and stupidity is a 3rd party. There was no one else involved in my break up but my friend (who had been equally unhappy for years) had an affair & split up, her F&F told her how stupid she was!!!

yougotafriend · 13/02/2015 12:31

Apart from me obviously!!!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 13:07

I think the worst reaction I got was the almost unanimous one that no one had understood what I saw in the twat in the first place! Hit a nerve. Part of me wished someone had said so a lot earlier and the other part knew that I probably wouldn't have listened if they had.

Somethingtodo · 13/02/2015 15:48

I told my STBXH to make sure that his NPD alcoholic mother did not hassle me. She left a message the other night that said..

"Can you call me back.Dont worry I am not going to tell you off....and best not to mention my call to ds"

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