Don't know what tof do.....

[username88]

I've been with my OH for over 7 years and we have 2 small children. He has always been someone that talks to females etc and he's very friendly and helpful.
He has 2 females in particular that he speaks to via text etc. Back last year I saw a message that he sent to a friend saying that female 1 offered to have sex with him. This made me very angry and paranoid. We then went somewhere and female 1 was there and she completely ignored me and just spoke to him which rang alarm bells in my ears. A few months later I explained to him that I don't trust female 1 and explained why. He then told me that he no longer speaks to her etc. But then recently he started speaking to her again and told her that he doesn't speak to her anymore because of me (which I think is completely blowing my trust to divulge that). The conversation continued and female 1 asked if I read the messages between them his reply was 'no otherwise I would be a single man'.

Moving on to female 2

He speaks to this one more regularly. He divulges intimate stuff about our relationship (which again is betraying trust). He refers to her as looking like sex to his friends. I've read a message before saying that 'if only I was a few years younger and single I would make you my queen'. Just that little snippet of a message cut me deep because he refers to me as his queen.

I feel like I can't confront him about any of this because I got paranoid and hacked into his fb account. I check it every day more than once And when there is messages they get deleted Before he comes home.

I love him so much and really don't want to lose him. But I don't know what to do. Whenever I've tried to slyly asking him questions he turns it back around to me. It's eating me up inside and I can't talk to anyone about it.

What's eating you inside is the fact that he has no respect, and therefore no love for you.

There is no love without respect.

You want him to be a different man, one who loves you back, but this is who he is.

I'm sorry. You will continue to feel bad as long as you stay with him, because you are harming your own self-esteem by staying with a man who does not respect and does not love you.

I'm sorry you're with someone you can't trust. Now that you know he doesnt just 'talk to females' but is actually going in for some pretty serious tomcatting, you've got a problem. Doesn't matter how you found out, you're going to have to confront it or spend the rest of your life suspicious, snooping and jumping like a cat every time he gets a text.

Sadly, it sounds like you are right to be concerned about these friendships. They both sound like they are verging on, if not actual emotional affairs. He may not be sleeping with them but he is opening up to them, sharing intimately with them, and crossing the line between friendship and a relationship which is something more.

You say you do not want to lose him, but if you stay with him you may lose yourself, worrying, checking, hoping, appeasing. I the no you need to consider your own self esteem and consider ending this relationship and finding someone who really does treat you like his queen, not just one of his consorts.

His behaviour and these friendships are completely inappropriate and show little respect for you. You don't have to put up with this crap. I'm not someone who says this lightly, but I think you should consider leaving. You can't trust someone like this - it's disgusting behaviour.

Why are you wasting your time on a man that can't keep it in his pants, he is desperately going around females trying to entice them to have sex with him, it's not them love, it's all coming from him.

Ask yourself why you value yourself so little that you are prepared to take scraps of affection from a serial player, seriously, wise up.

He clearly gets off on courting inappropriate attention.

It's perfectly possible to have friendships without them descending into contemplation of sexual relations if things were different.

I too would be very hurt and I'd get him to talk about it and why he thinks this is appropriate behaviour.

My approach as always would be to ask questions to find out his attitude, rather than going in with what I know and how I'm feeling. Give them enough rope to either hang themselves or admit they're wrong and how it can change before I wade in with my thoughts and feelings.

Who knows if he's done anything, he certainly seems to think about it.

He isn't respecting you at all and is getting away with it.

Put firm boundaries in place and insist he has nothing to do with either of them.

I'm sorry this has happened to you as I would be gutted. Two dc and a life together it's hard to face the reality of who he is and how he is treating you.

Love, respect & trust are the vital ingredients for any relationship, sadly yours doesn't have all three and you are paying the price for it.

Thank you all for your thoughts. They have all got me thinking about what I need to Do. We have our monthly date night tomorrow so I'm going to take advantage of no kids for the night and confront him. I can't do this to myself anymore. I need to know the truth.