Sorry, this is long and if you get to the end, thank you.
My mother is 84, lives a 90 second walk from us and for the last 12 months has been pretty unwell in one way or another. Having said that, she still has all her marbles, can drive (dear god), goes shopping when she wants, goes to social groups twice a week, has friends on the end of the phone or via her internet forum. She has me and my two DD who visit her most days, and my brother and SIL come and see her every 2 months or so from 250 miles away.
I have done my best; when she was very ill sorted her out with hospital admissions, tests, drove her to appts etc; when she came out of hospital I stayed at her house every night til she felt safe to be alone again. organised help through the local NHS team (forget what they're called, but they do assessments, arrange physio, etc etc). I also complained on her behalf to the GP practice about some appalling treatment, so she is now fast tracked every time she calls them. Ongoing, I take her to medical things if she wants me to, going into the appt so she has someone else to help translate because of her deafness. I've also provided daily emotional support and whatever other practical support is needed. I dont think I've ever been anything less than helpful - although by her standards I am not sympathetic enough. This is because I am very practical, so she will give me a problem and I will try and find a solution rather than just let her wallow in it. I work, by the way, and we live rurally so also do a lot ferrying teenagers about most days.
But, she has turned on me, starting to be very vicious, all due to the fact that she once asked why DH no longer talks to her and I said he found her deafness very hard to deal with. She has taken huge huge umbrage and it all came out last Saturday while discussing something else. I havent seen her since then but have been in touch via email and phone msg (very happy to say I havent actually spoken to her though).
There are too many boring details to go into, but effectively she has said horrible things about DH (who holds the household together while I care for her) and what she says to me is.... a master of the passive aggressive, combined with martyrdom, an attempt to induce guilt in me, accusing me of being spendthrift while she is a poor old widow woman (who lives of more per month than the 4 of us do), she is very entitled but thinks she is not a snob because she can talk to anyone (think officer's wife), can be extremely manipulative because she "only wants to help" oh god I could go on.
I get that she is frightened, hurt and angry, in pain, losing her independence etc but she is being so vicious that I think she has backed herself into a corner and is now in cutting nose off to spite face mode. I've never thought of myself as a true candidate for stately homes, but I'm beginning to wonder.
Not sure what I'm asking really, maybe if matricide is really an option? But if you got this far and have dealt with similar, thank you for reading - even writing it down helps.