He's moved out. Please help me deal with this pain

[JessePinkmansHoody]

I swore I'd never put myself through this again after splitting up with xH 7 years ago and the pain of that. The only thing helping me do this is that I lived through that so I can do this too..

DP and I lived together for five and a half years. We've split for some very valid reasons although no one was unfaithful or violent or anything like that. We tried and tried to make it work but ultimately it wouldn't and we made the final decision to split several weeks ago. In those weeks, while taking care of the practical stuff together, we've been clingy and readily admitting to each other that we still love each other. Love not enough though unfortunately. Other factors were insurmountable.

Last night I slept in his arms. Tonight he's gone as planned and oh God, the pain. I'm hiding it because of my kids (16 and 22, not his) but I can't wait to lock myself away for a bath so I can howl. I miss him so bad. We've been texting and he doesn't sound like he's fairing too much better.

I know the pain will ease, I've been here before and I know this is v early days so if course I feel like this but please hold my hand tonight and maybe for a few days while I try to carry on without him. Sorry I sound so pathetic but I have to be outwardly strong. I have RL support but I can't admit how bad I feel so I feel v alone.

what were the insurmountable factors ?

The pain is tangible in your writing. Please don't feel alone

Time is the greatest healer. So true.

Well done for having the courage to end it when it wasn't working, so many don't.

Don't be sad it's over, smile because it happened........

AnyFucker they involve my kids and the fact that obviously, they come before anything. There are some elements of my life that he found hard to cope with and they are not things I could change. But he isn't an arsehole.. It is what it is and the end has been a long time coming. I suppose because of that, I wasn't expecting it to hurt quite this much. But it does. Naff as it sounds I'd do almost anything to have his arms around me right now

Why can't you admit you feel down IRL? Do others expect you to feel nothing? However sensible it might be to break up, it's still going to hurt. Not sure why you were clinging to each other - sounds like something external drove you apart? - but don't think you should be texting either as that will only prologue the pain. A clean break is kinder all round.

OK. If this is best for your kids then you have done the right thing.

There are other men. (obviously you won't be ready for that for a while, but you get my gist I hope)

I can admit I feel down (to friends, my mum etc) but I can't show them the extent of the pain I'm feeling, it's not fair to inflict that on others when they can't help

I'm not strong enough for a clean break that involves zero contact

but I can't show them the extent of the pain I'm feeling, it's not fair to inflict that on others when they can't help

"Inflict" is a strong word. It's natural to share your pain and ask for comfort. You're not asking them fix anything, just to be there. Wouldn't you want your children to always ask you for comfort if they needed it?

You sound so upset. It sounds like this isn't really what you want? Xx

Is it not possible for you to have a non-living together relationship?

I can't help thinking that the problem with your DCs that is causing you to split is significant in this story. Have others been telling you to get shot? Would there be little sympathy if you confessed to missing him?

I know you think a clean break would require more strength but keeping someone tantalisingly out of reach is the very definition of torment. The risk is you end up yo-yo-ing together and apart, wasting a lot of time, and you'll find it very difficult to move on.

I know what you're saying Cogito but it's taken all the strength I had to let him go. I know the contact must be reduced progressively.. I know this...