I want a baby do much it's taking over my life!

[SillyPops]

I'll keep this short. I'm mid-20's, been in a steady relationship eith my partner for 3 years. He currently works away during the week so we only see each other at weekends.

I have always loved children and babies, but recently (and I mean the last 18 months) it's like an obsession. I spend hours looking at baby clothes and nursery furniture online, I look at what baby classes etc are in my area - all I want is a baby.

My partner also wants children - but not now. He wants to wait until his job ends, in a years time, and get married etc first. I don't want to, and it really upsets me thinking I'll have to wait another 3 years for a baby.

I don't know what to do :( help?...

Why don't you plan for getting married then?

It's really difficult when people in a relationship want different things, but if he's not ready yet then there's not much you can do.
I sympathise as I wanted children for a while before my DH was ready, but it really was better that we waited until we were both in the right place. Having a newborn (and children
in general) is really difficult, especially the early days. So it would be easier on you to wait until your DP isn't working away so much, not to
mention that he'd miss out on a lot if he's only home at weekends. I can see why he wants to wait.
Do you have anything you can divert your focus to for the next couple of years? Work? Volunteering?

Your partner sounds really sensible to want stability and marriage before introducing DCs to the picture. Babies are lovely things, don't get me wrong, but why do you think you're so obsessed at this particular time? Has something triggered it? Has a friend had a baby? Is your life/job/etc unfulfilling? If you're spending 'hours' window shopping baby gear have you got too much time on your hands? Are you bored because he's away all week?

It's so easy to get caught up in the romantic idea of having a baby. The reality is a lot of hard work, sleepless nights, exhaustion... and it puts enormous strain on any relationship, even if you're a solid couple.

If your partner is not ready for children yet you have to respect that. Getting pregnant before you're both ready could cause resentment from your partner which could spell disaster for your relationship.

You have plenty of time ahead. There is no rush. Get yourself involved with lots of other activities to keep yourself busy and your mind active with something else. Otherwise the baby thing may become an obsession for you which isn't healthy.

I have been where you are. In my mid twenties I was very broody. I was in a relationship but it was wrong.
I wanted marriage first though.

You are so lucky to have a lovely man who wants to marry you.
Anyway, I am now in my mid thirties and took my time to meet someone, get married, I travelled the world. I have savings and a nice home. Also two babies.

I am so glad I had them in my mid thirties and not my twenties. They are beautiful but I cannot get to the toilet alone. Today, for example I had an upset stomach and newborn screening and toddler on the dining table ready to jump off, all the toilet rolls thrown around the house and several hours of housework to do undone.

I am covered in sick, on a major diet as my body looks like a sumo wrestler. I have lost so many friends who don't show interest in me now I have children.

I am just saying, if you get pregnant tomorrow it would be lovely but enjoy your freedom and don't mop about. I never mopped about and I am glad I didn't waste my twenties.

I completely understand and feel the same way as you OP. I've wanted a family since I was in my early 20s. Thankfully it didn't happen but now DP and are buying a flat and all I can think about it where the nursery will be. DP doesn't want kids for another 5 years and I want to be married first too. So it's likely that it will be 5 years plus until we can have a baby and it kills me when I work it out like that.

I've been thinking of getting a puppy to fill that gap but because we have busy work schedules it's probably not fair on the dog.

I don't have any advice except I feel the same

Also if your partner works away now, you have no idea how much help you will need.

I am virtually waiting by the door for dh to come in so I can brush my teeth at leisure or go for a walk. Or takeover at 4 am because I havent shut my eyes yet.

It's really not a long time, especially if you have a very small wedding (definitely do not spend a lot on it if you are also saving for a property, which is far more important).

I definitely wanted to be married first. It was really important to me.

Thanks everyone. I just feel like it's all I want, and I have done everything in life I want to do except that.

Though reading some of your posts I think I have realised the problem. I worked as a nanny for one family for 4 years, so I am FULLY aware of what looking after a baby/child entails. I was practically that child's mum - he did not see either of his parents from Sunday evening to Saturday morning. And when I wasn't there he would cry for me, and as he got older would constantly be asking to phone me over the weekend when I wasn't there. They moved away, and I think I am still mourning the loss of him, and that lifestyle of looking after a baby. I feel like there's a gap to be filled.

I am in a totally different job now - I wprk 40 hours a week and volunteer 15, I'm super busy, but still think about having a baby all the time. I miss my partner too, and wonder if some of it is knowing that if I got pregnant he would move back here.

I guess I just need to get a grip and wait :( I just wish I didn't have to!

Maybe thinking of it as 'waiting' is too negative? 'Waiting' makes it sound like you're treading water, wasting your time, putting life on hold etc. In reality, what you're doing is developing as a person in your own right, building some cash reserves, gaining life experience, gaining maturity, establishing a nice home, strengthening your relationship with your partner. All good things to do before introducing children.

Cogito maybe a positive spin is needed but it does feel negative when you can't spend much time with friends who are pregnant because it physically hurts to be near them. I feel the same with mothers with small babies. I feel very jealous of my SIL since DP's brother wants kids as much as she does and they are currently planning how to make it happen. Both are younger than me and SIL is 22. DP won't even talk about except in a 'some days I want kids too' kind of way. I'm ready to get married and as soon as I have a permanent contract to get pregnant.

But I'm very sensible and wouldn't do it suddenly, things do need to be in place before hand. So it does feel like waiting and putting things on hold.

On the bus yesterday I think I stared a little boy and his dad a so much that I think the dad thought I might kidnap the boy! Not my best moment but another friend had just announced on fb that she is pregnant

I think I was trying to say I need a grip too OP!

Wow, it must be really painful to have lost contact with that boy after such a connection. I was in a similar position to you in that I desperately wanted to have a baby and had to wait. In my case because I needed surgery before I could try and we needed to save for ivf. Anyway it was interfering with my life and our fertility counsellor suggested I do a 'pleasure and distraction' project. Largely focused on being in the best place possible to have kids... Getting fit, sorting finances etc but also learning new things. I decided to take up dressmaking for example. Gave me loads of new things to talk about. And I strongly recommend overcoming the pain of friends pregnancies and getting involved with the babies. I have a three amazing small people in my life who I initially wanted to hide from. If nothing else, it's worth building up some babysitting credits!